The Over-Educated Nympho

How can I have been at the office for only three hours before wanting to unleash some serious bitchslapping on someone? How can a person look so smart and be so wrong?

Am I totally showing how naive I still am about Corporate America? Aw fuck. Please tell me I don’t have much left to learn, because I’m not sure how much more of this I can stand before going ape-shit.

Every Monday we have a staff meeting at 9:00. Every Monday by 9:45 I am so pissed off that it would be better for all of mankind if I went home for the rest of the day. Or at least for my lunch hour.

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I was at work for only three hours before my head was about to explode from the restraint it took not to throw my boss Good Witch/Evil Bitch into the depths of hell, which in my mind would resemble being trapped inside a cubicle with the walls closing in a la Indiana Jones.

Warning: bitchfest.

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Monday’s mantra: I will not talk back to my boss I will not talk back to my boss I will not talk back to my boss
Tuesday’s mantra: I will not talk smack to my boss I will not talk smack to my boss I will not talk smack to my boss
Wednesday’s mantra: I will not smack my boss I will not smack my boss I will not smack my boss
Today’s mantra: I will not bitch-slap my boss I will not bitch-slap my boss I will not bitch-slap my boss
Tomorrow’s mantra: I totally bitch-slapped my boss, and damn it felt good.

Today was a miserable day at the office. My new boss nearly made me cry about six times this morning. Of all my years on the job, I have cried at the office three times. Not once was it work-related.

A coworker kept eyeing me this morning because I wasn’t my normal happy-go-snarky self. A coworker I speak to about twice a week stopped me in the hall to ask if I was okay. Another coworker and I took turns bitching about being lowly cubicle monkeys who seem to be the only ones elbow-deep in our accounts. I won the my-job-sucks-more-than-yours contest because earlier I had bitten my lip so hard it started to bleed.

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I love the word cunt. I use it in the happy friendly way of fuck-me feminism. Most of the time. Then there are times when someone really royally pisses me the fuck off. On the very rare occasion, I have called someone a fucking cunt.

Today I received an email from the fantastic blogger Fellatrix warning me that someone was ripping off my blog. Again. Because I wasn’t pissed enough the first couple times? And this chick didn’t copy just a couple, but like a couple dozen. Some of them were the standard BJ posts (ie these are usually the first to be copied), but some of them were intensely personal. The posts I cried over while writing them. What kind of person does that?

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