The Over-Educated Nympho

After a lot of anticipation (intimidation, fine, shut up), I finally had sex with The Marine tonight. Or attempted to have sex. No, it wasn’t the Superdick specifically that halted our efforts, it was The Marine’s lack of proper protection.

Dude. They teach this shit in Boy Scouts, and I’m sure they teach it in the marines: ALWAYS BE PREPARED. That means if you have a super-sized schlong, you buy super-sized condoms. DUH. You can’t make the square peg fit in the round hole either, Mr. Midvale School For the Gifted.

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I posted my response, Mine Mine Mine, to our latest question on Chemistry.com’s Great Mate Debate: Speaking from personal experience, what are the three best things about being single?

Again? Seriously? We already went over this. Tivo, wine, and Oreos. DUH.

Why can’t you enjoy these with a partner?, you may ask.

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I posted my response to our first hot-topic question on Chemistry.com’s Great Mate Debate: Do you think couples in which the woman is more successful than the man are more likely to break up than other couples (all else being equal)?

I’m interested to see how you react to the post. I was kind of surprised at my response, but after three days of thinking it over I finally decided to go with my gut reaction.

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I have to admit that I’ve been thinking about making a follow-up call to Sexy Venezuelan, since he never called me back. I would say something a little sexier than hey just checking to make sure you’re not dead and slightly nicer than have you found your balls yet? because I have an extra pair if you need them. Or maybe I could go the old-fashioned route, i.e. call and hang up six times until he gets so irritated that he calls me.

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Day two without a call from Sexy Venezuelan. What the hell. How long am I going to have to wait for him to call me back? What about my plans to hook up with him Saturday night if he won’t call me back until Sunday?

Over the past couple days I have found myself wondering why it takes guys so long to return a call. I made it very clear I was interested in him, and I thought he felt the same way. What’s the hold-up? Shit, he didn’t even have to make the first move because I did! I asked him out, got his phone number, and called him. Please don’t tell me I have to find his balls for him too, because I’m like, really busy.

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I like to talk dirty during sex. That’s why sex is fun, jackass. You don’t have to act like a lady like every other hour of the goddamn day. Let loose with the occasional “I love your big hard cock.” If you’ve already got your hand down a guy’s pants I think that means you can stop pretending you’re a good girl. That means it’s time for you to talk dirrty:

Come on. Unleash your inner dirty whore.

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Many of my girl friends and female readers have told me that their man doesn’t like going down on them. Why the fuck not, I ask politely. Cooch is awesome. I’ve gone bush-diving and I’m down for another round or eight any day.

I’ve always known that it was common for girls to find the penis icky–it grows, it shrinks, it waves hello, it shoots things in your eye– but I haven’t heard about many guys who don’t like going down on a girl. What the fuck is this shit?

I’m going to be honest. That’s a deal-breaker for me. But don’t take my opinion too seriously, because I’m kind of a huge bitch when there’s something important like an orgasm on the line.

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Check out the Fellatrix. Her site is devoted to everything you could want to know about blowjobs. For the first time ever, someone has made me wish I was the one receiving the blowjob instead of giving it. Meanwhile I’m pissed that sites like this didn’t exist when I was fifteen and jumping into the adult world tongue-first.

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Tonight after work I went out for margaritas with a couple girls from the office (yay! I finally have cool girl friends my age at work! IT ONLY TOOK A FREAKING YEAR). Within fifteen minutes it came out that I.T. Guy had asked out all four of us at one time or another. All over email. This amused us to no end.

Dude. Seriously.

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Over the past two weeks I have received a huge number of Ask Vix emails. To those I have not answered, I have not forgotten you! I swear! I’m just busy, well, um, trying to get laid (for the sake of the blog, of course. My beloved readers demand it). And sleep more than 4.5 hours every night, including weekends.

To those who have sent Ask Vix emails recently–if it’s super important (for instance, going through a break-up right now, or a couple weeks ago a girl had a date with an uncircumcised guy the next day and needed blowjob advice right now), then please send me another email, otherwise I’ll answer them in the order I received them. If everyone has an emergency, well shit I’ll do the best I can. After I get laid. I’ll be able to think clearer then. Really. Stop laughing at me, bitches.

In honor of Steak & BJ Day, I have added another post to the ongoing series on How To Give a Blowjob which currently consists of the following:

Where Are You in the Blowjob Ring?

Blowjobs are Not Icky

How to Give a Blowjob: It’s All In Your Head. And Eyes.

How To Give a Blowjob: The Proper Technique (Part I)

How to Give a Blowjob: Embracing the Balls (Part II)

New additions:
How To Give a Blowjob: When He’s Uncircumcised”

How To Give a Blowjob: Watch the Teeth, Sweetie

*By the way, don’t be another asshole who plagiarizes what I wrote. Read and enjoy, don’t read and copy and pretend you wrote it. © 2007 the Over-Educated Nympho.

Let’s see, that’s… five posts and we haven’t even gotten to the sucking yet. Wow. Well I am nothing if not a student of research, which means I always report back my findings in painstaking detail for the benefit of the greater cock-sucking world. That’s just the kind of girl I am.

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The glorious Steak & BJ Day is coming up on Wednesday, March 14. Even though I will not be getting any action, that doesn’t mean I can’t help out all those who do have access to a prime cut of red meat. And I’m sooo not thinking about the steak.

–begins to salivate–

To the a-hem “ladies” out there, here are several recipes for steak and assorted sides that I have picked out from AllRecipes.com. That’s right, bitches, I know how to cook. You probably thought I was all sex and books. Well, that’s true. But I’m sex and books and FOOOOOOOD.

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