I’m lonely. I feel it every time my palm rests on the pillow next to mine in bed. I feel it in the coolness of the cotton cloth. No one’s head lays there. No one’s body warms the other half of the bed. It’s just me.
I used to sleep in the middle, just because I could. When I relish my singledom, my limbs spread across the extents of the bed. It’s mine, all mine. Fuck no, I’m not sharing.
Lately I have been sleeping on one side of the bed. I had been doing this for months before I realized–I’m leaving a place for him.
Stumble it!
Littlelessvague | 10-Dec-09 at 9:41 am | Permalink
Oh Vix…
Do not wallow in lonliness!
Feel pride in yourself that you won’t settle for someone who doesn’t blow your mind in more ways than one.
I am proud of you for being an independent, self empowered woman. You don’t NEED a man to feel content :o)
klumzie1 | 10-Dec-09 at 11:36 am | Permalink
I tend to disagree with post #1. I felt that way for a while, and even tell myself that now.
But I can’t go forever feeling like I don’t need a man, because truly, I’ve come to a point where I do.
I notice it more and more… I too, have begun sleeping on one side vs. years of sprawling in the middle… I even notice it when I have to take the trash out or shovel my own damn snow.
I just turned 31 and realized that I don’t want to build a life by myself… I want a partner to build and grow with. Who knows if I’ll ever find “him” either, but I am ready to be open
Over Educated Nympho | 10-Dec-09 at 11:57 am | Permalink
Littlelessvague–I know I don’t need a man, but I want one. I don’t give a crap about who carries the Christmas tree out to the dumpster or covers the mortgage. I just want a guy who gets me and who knows better than to tell me to stop eating gingersnaps for breakfast. I want someone special. It’s that simple.
Jul | 10-Dec-09 at 12:31 pm | Permalink
#1, obviously she isn’t going to settle. If she wanted to do that she has had few chances. Sometimes being an independent, empowered women doesn’t fill the void of not having a parter. Few things in life are more precious than having a special guy, who gets you and wants to be with you for all you are. Nobody really needs a man, but eventually you reach that point when you do want one and that’s totally normal.
Taoist Biker | 10-Dec-09 at 1:06 pm | Permalink
Whether he knows it or not, he’s out there looking for the same thing. You’ll turn around and it’ll be there.
RIV | 10-Dec-09 at 1:16 pm | Permalink
I have to agree with Vix.
Lord knows *I* don’t need a woman, but I WANT someone I can share my life with.
Totally get what she’s saying, and I’m hoping I’m a few steps closer.
T | 10-Dec-09 at 1:25 pm | Permalink
Here’s the thing though… *He* won’t come along until you make space for him. And now that you’re doing that, you should smile and know that he’s closer than you might think.
Littlelessvague | 10-Dec-09 at 1:56 pm | Permalink
Yeah, I get what you mean Vix. It’s just upsetting seeing a woman I look up to feeling so sad. Like, appearing so ‘human’ in all honesty, I figured you kicked so much ass you couldn’t really be part of the human race!
Don’t worry about it, love, you’ll find him eventually. It took me most of my youth kissing boy after boy to find the one I hated the most and never kissed almost a year ago.
Taoist Biker is right also.
We love you Vix and I@m sure we’d all take turns sleeping in your bed and throwing out your Christmas tree if you wanted! haha x
adorabilly | 10-Dec-09 at 2:37 pm | Permalink
Vix…
we have had this conversation before. Several times. Usually when one of your friends is engaged or getting married.
You know where I am if you want to talk.
becky | 10-Dec-09 at 3:42 pm | Permalink
Vix,
I’m sure he’s out there looking too, and you’ll find each other. Settling never solves anything. I know you’ll find him and when you do you’ll be glad you refused to settle.
Raven | 10-Dec-09 at 4:39 pm | Permalink
I think I know that feeling well. I was quite lonely too, and often times I’d lay in bed at night and think about how long it would take for the right guy to be laying next to me. But these things have a way of happening so fast you won’t know what hit you until you lay down on your side of the bed and realize that Mr. Right-for-you is on the other.
David | 10-Dec-09 at 7:21 pm | Permalink
Ten Women thought Tiger Woods was the right guy for them, and they weren’t looking, so less competition for you!!
Katie | 10-Dec-09 at 7:43 pm | Permalink
-opens her arms wide- Ill come over for a sleepover and some good ole fashioned girl-lovin!! Hehehe
Ballerina | 10-Dec-09 at 9:49 pm | Permalink
I know how you feel Vix. I’m also 29, also independent and secure, also hopelessly single.
I go through phases where I decide I won’t even think about it so when I’ve completely forgotten about men, I’ll find a special one. And when that doesn’t happen after a while, I put myself out there trying to find him. And sometimes when that doesn’t work, I try to be realistic and bring myself to face the fact that maybe I won’t ever find a special guy, that maybe I’m meant to be on my own. And that’s too hard to accept so I go back to plan A.
The one thing I can say for myself is that, while my life is sorely lacking in male companionship, it isn’t lacking in anything else. I’ve traveled the world by myself, I’ve gone on adventures and fulfilled other lifelong dreams while waiting for him… I haven’t let any opportunity pass me by because I’m alone. Some days, just fondly reminiscing over those memories is enough. Some days it’s not.
My grandmother tells me that I better find someone soon before I’m too set in my single-girl ways.
Still…. regardless of that… I still sleep in the middle of the bed. Sometimes diagonally.
Mitch | 10-Dec-09 at 10:46 pm | Permalink
Vix, Ballerina…I can relate. I’m generally happy, but alone. If I could choose, it would be to share life with someone. Too many good things are happening to be experiencing them by myself. I’ve been lucky enough to be in love before, but never the right one.
As an example, you both seem lovely. Are either of you the one for me? Me for you? How do we know for sure? It can all seem so elusive.
Be strong, Vix.
girlinthemirror | 10-Dec-09 at 10:57 pm | Permalink
I love sleeping alone. I hate having to confine myself to a single spot on the bed. When I share a bed with someone I always lay as close to the edge of the mattress as possible. Because I don’t want to be a space hog. But I can’t stand having someone’s arms or legs resting on me when I’m trying to get some rest.
No, I didn’t miss the point of the post. My waking hours are best spent in the company of others and nights can be very lonely trapped in the confines of your mind. But whoever HE is he’s probably better off on the couch.
Brazenbonbon | 10-Dec-09 at 11:04 pm | Permalink
Ahhhhh! I finally got to the end of your entries (after reading them all from post 1 starting about a month or so ago). So sad. I’ll pick on my brother who “ruined everything by being born” instead of whining.
Looooove your posts, can’t wait for more.
Nola | 10-Dec-09 at 11:20 pm | Permalink
Haha - #15! I was thinking the same damn things as I was reading the comments - I love having the whole bed to myself. I love not having to compromise and sacrifice in bed or life. The couch is perfect for my HE, too.
AKC | 11-Dec-09 at 8:54 am | Permalink
I feel the need to clutch something while I sleep. If I’m not sleeping with my boyfriend, I clutch my teddy bear. Or if I’m traveling and Teddy is not at hand I clutch a small pillow. When I’m with my boyfriend I pretty much wrap myself around him like a vine.
thestork | 11-Dec-09 at 4:00 pm | Permalink
ballerina, ur post is like a mirror image of my life. but i still have a little glimmer of hope that toaistbiker is right. ill turn around and he’ll be there. fingers crossed.
ashley | 11-Dec-09 at 6:28 pm | Permalink
Sometimes I like sleeping upside down
Ellie on Oz | 12-Dec-09 at 5:18 am | Permalink
Of course TB is right, he’s always bloody right…makes me sick!!
The couple of times a week that I stay at my boyfriend’s place or he stays at mine, I CAN’T STAND sharing a bed, I hate it. After, um, coupling, one of us sleeps on the couch or in the spare room, which works well. As to whether he is HE yet, that truth will reveal itself in time. I know the point of the post is finding that someone, not sharing the bed, Vix, and that someone will show up, though when he does, I’d yell at him for being so tardy!
Miz Indecisive | 12-Dec-09 at 10:42 am | Permalink
Vix! I know that feeling all to well…I love stretching out and wrestling my blankets and the freedom of having my bed all to myself…but the grass is always greener b/c I frequently reach out for ‘him’ in the wee hours to find emptiness.
Aulë | 12-Dec-09 at 2:03 pm | Permalink
More often than not to live a life with complete integrity requires living a life of total loneliness.
Twisted | 13-Dec-09 at 1:06 am | Permalink
I just miss the cuddles the most. And spooning.
Mike Hunt | 13-Dec-09 at 6:48 am | Permalink
Jesus, what do you expect. Every decent bloke that comes along gets the boot. Just as you are not perfect for anyone, nobody is perfect for you. Compromise is the key.
6 billion people on this planet, 3 billion are female, so count them out. 1 billion are young males and 1 billion are old males, so count them out. That leaves you 1 billion possible life partners (not a throw away fuck like usual). So of those 1 billion, there is 1 person who is the BEST person for you. Fat chance you are going to meet him, isn’t there? You want perfect? Then keep waiting girlie, because it ain’t gunna happen.
Maybe you just got to pick the BEST one you have met, because you are not going to meet them all. The cobwebs would have fully covered it up well before that happens
lilie | 13-Dec-09 at 11:19 am | Permalink
Glad I don’t have those problems. You have to open yourself up to love. Engaging in meaningless sex, dating someone knowing damn well you aint feeling blocks your view. Its easy for us to say “There, there. He’ll be there.” Truth is, it takes work and time. I found my hubbie working at love like its a full time job. Work it, vix
Miz Indecisive | 13-Dec-09 at 12:57 pm | Permalink
@Aulie…too true.
Mike & Leigh | 14-Dec-09 at 1:39 pm | Permalink
Well I’ve gotta say that nothing beats being in bed with the man you love….smelling his skin….mmm
Thanks for the post though
Leigh xx
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