While most good patriotic Americans spent the long holiday weekend eating burgers (mmmm yummy juicy bacony goodness), I have been experiencing the joy that is home ownership. I closed on my first house a few days ago, which was even more awesome than I had expected. When the title agent held up the keys, I hopped. And squealed. In front of people.
And wow. Houses are a money pit. Property taxes in Texas are HOW MUCH? Closing costs are HOW MUCH?! A five gallon bucket of paint costs HOW MUCH?!! And also–do you know how much a five gallon bucket of paint weighs, especially when all you’ve been doing for the last two and a half days is cleaning, going to Home Depot, going back to Home Depot, and doing all that crap that I really wish I had a boyfriend for right now?
Yeah. Suckage.
Anyhoodley-doo. Just wanted to let you know I’m not dead. I’m exhausted. But it’s cool, because the cute gnome I bought a month ago that has been living in my fridge (photo ops, not a case a Crazy, you close-minded dipshit WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF FUN) has finally moved to the tiny little garden at my new house where I can see him from the kitchen and dining room and my mind fills with all sorts of gnometastic fantasies. Neither of my dogs have peed on the garden gnome yet. This is a very good sign.
And now (after staying up until 4:30 am to write the short story I was supposed to turn into class last week) I’m too tired to make my bed. After waking up one too many times to crumbs/bed bugs/weevils in my sheets, I finally managed to put them in the washer, and now they are sitting in a pile on top of my bed. No matter how much I chewed out my dogs for doing NOTHING to contribute to the household income, they can’t be bothered to do so much as to help out around the house. Lazy bitches. DO SOME LAUNDRY.
Fuck it. I’m sleeping on the couch.
Stumble it!
Ellie on Oz | 06-Jul-09 at 5:25 am | Permalink
4.30??? Good god, I don’t think I could do that if you paid me!! Glad all is going well- how mind blowing to have your own place!! Am so impressed!!!
Almighty Tallest | 06-Jul-09 at 7:10 am | Permalink
Woooooo! Congratulations!
lola | 06-Jul-09 at 8:32 am | Permalink
Congrats on the new house. But weevils on sheets? That’s just gross, ma.
uneditedmara | 06-Jul-09 at 8:40 am | Permalink
LOVELY PROGRESS .. ON LIFE! Kisses, darling!
Taoist Biker | 06-Jul-09 at 9:00 am | Permalink
Whoops, did we not mention the downside to home ownership? Sorry, must have slipped my mind.
Kids? Oh, kids are great; they’re no trouble at all!
Alyssa | 06-Jul-09 at 10:44 am | Permalink
Oh Vix…. you always get the seller to pay closing costs.
Congrats on the house!
the raw "I" | 06-Jul-09 at 11:02 am | Permalink
haha awesome post!
Buster | 06-Jul-09 at 11:54 am | Permalink
Congratulations on the house! I think about buying a house sometime, then remember that I’m in Southern California and make nowhere near enough money to fulfill that fantasy.
Enjoy the couch. I hope you get some rest soon. 4:30am is a bitch.
RickV | 06-Jul-09 at 12:17 pm | Permalink
Congrats, VIX!
One piece of advice: Do things one room at a time. You don’t have to rush to do EVERYTHING.
I’ll drink a few beers for you at the game tonight!
Stephanie | 06-Jul-09 at 12:45 pm | Permalink
Home Depot is awesome! Ha ha. I used to hate going there but now I look forward to seeing the weekly selection of plants, pots and men with my mom. I think she purposely forgets things so we can go back again.
T | 06-Jul-09 at 1:37 pm | Permalink
So excited that you closed on your home!! It is fun to own a home and yes, all the $$ that you have to spend. The good news? You have some tax write offs now! Woohoo!
moon | 06-Jul-09 at 2:29 pm | Permalink
house party!!!!!!!!
becky | 06-Jul-09 at 5:42 pm | Permalink
boo for having chores! hooray for your own house!! =)
tom | 06-Jul-09 at 5:57 pm | Permalink
Vix. Congrats on the house. I feel your pain. I closed on mine three weeks ago and yes the Texas closing cost suck! Enjoy the House, garden, and Gnome!
Vincent | 06-Jul-09 at 11:52 pm | Permalink
see, this is hot to me. i’d totally sleep with you on the couch at this point.
Julie | 07-Jul-09 at 12:21 am | Permalink
Just wrap yourself up in a blanket–your mattress won’t tell that you didn’t put a sheet on it first!!
kelsbelles | 07-Jul-09 at 12:41 am | Permalink
i missed you!
CJ | 07-Jul-09 at 2:06 am | Permalink
I look forward to hearing about the stuff you put in your garage
Rae | 07-Jul-09 at 2:24 pm | Permalink
I’m truly happy for you. It sounds like you have your hands full, so I’ll leave you to it. Have fun, and I’ll keep praying your dogs leave the gnome undefiled…
cari | 07-Jul-09 at 6:36 pm | Permalink
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! CONGRATS, HOMEOWNER!
well, i think you are doing just fine. it would be nice to have tons of leisure time and to go to sleep before 4:30 and turn your assigments in on time… yes, all of that would be nice, but at least you’re busy with meaningful labor.
and, no offense or anything, but from your own self description, you are a very messy, dirty girl (in more ways than one)! i would not want to be your roommate. you would drive me absolutely nuts.
The Masochist | 07-Jul-09 at 6:45 pm | Permalink
@ cari - Well, it’s probably a good thing she didn’t ask you to be her roommate, isn’t it? Jesus.
Congratulations, Vix. I’m excited for you. And a teensy bit envious.
DweelteBaby | 07-Jul-09 at 8:45 pm | Permalink
ew weevils…
cari | 08-Jul-09 at 11:30 pm | Permalink
@ Masochist - it’s just my way of saying “ew weevils.” but it’s a good thing vix has you to project your victim complex on her. she always needs an anonmyous commenter to defend her against imaginary slights. take a chill pill. jesus. etc.
cari | 17-Jul-09 at 1:52 am | Permalink
ok. far be it from me to start OEN commenter drama, but i felt like i needed to write this. and i don’t know if it would mean more here, or on masochist’s blog, or in a persoal email to both parties. and you guys 110% have busy lives and couldn’t care less, but in case you do and were hurt by what i said:
masochist: i’m really sorry about what i wrote. i was being snappy and that was not cool. i understood the spirit of what you wrote, i was just reacting out of anger and shock that my comment had been misunderstood. i really like vix, as a blogger and as a person, and i would never say anything mean to or about her. and whenever anyone comments anything mean on her blog, i get protective of her, too. she’s really open and i hate it when jerks or assholes use it against her.
vix, if my comment did rub you the wrong way and you were offended or hurt at all, i am really sorry. i actually roomed with my best friend for a summer in college and we drove each other nuts. but we still talk about those moments because they’re some of the funniest memories we share. my judgement of you as a potential roommate has no bearing on who you are as a person or as someone i would love to have as a friend. i do think of you as a real person, vix, and i read so much into what you say and even more from what you don’t say. i always hope the best for you, and care about what happens to you, whether it’s good or bad.
and masochist, i actually read through your blog, too, and i really like it. i have self-destructive tendencies, too, but i mostly hide them away even from myself most of the time. i appreciate how you put all the hardest parts about emotional pain totally out there, and are unashamed about your extremes of mixed feelings about it. i think you should do like your friend said and do a vix and write your own book, too. when i read your blog, it reminded me of this song by carolina liar, “show me what i’m looking for.” i actually think it’s just an ok song, but i like the lines: “mistakes become regrets. i’ve learned to love abuse.” i’ve had a headfuck relationship and a fucked up past, so i don’t really have any answers, either. i just… you know, hope you’re as happy as you can be and trust that we will figure it all out in time.
uh yeah. i read enough about your guys’ blogs to know that there are a lot more pressing matters going on in your lives. but… vix, you may get some mean-spirited comments on your blog, and masochist, you may love abuse, but neither will be coming from me. i just thought i’d put it publicly out there at the scene of the incident that i like you guys and i’m really sorry if even for a second i made you feel bad in any way.