Speed-Dating
In honor of it being “Find a New Fuck Buddy” Day, I signed up for a night of speed-dating. I also may have done this on company time because all four of my bosses were gone today at conferences, fishing, and golfing. Since I’m a pee-on, I get my giggles on by stealing office supplies and billing clients for ten minutes of eBay time every day.
Fifty bucks gives me twelve five-minute dates with single professional men aged 28 - 38 at a local wine bar. Unfortunately it’s not for a couple weeks, which means I have that long to torture myself with what should go into my thirty-second spiel: “I’m funny, smart, and like red meat. If you’re not good in bed tell me now so I can spend the rest of our five minutes in the john trying to dig the tampon string out of my ass cheeks.”
