Dirty Mad-Libs Make Everything Fun

As another run-of-the-mill pervert, I see sex everywhere I go: boobs, dongs, shlongs, and an infinite supply of “that’s what she said”s! It never occurred to me that buying a battery-operated nail trimmer for my dogs would remind me so much of a vibrator.

The other day I bought this nifty contraption called PediPaws, “the incredible pet nail trimmer!” according to the brochure. As soon as I took the Pedipaws out of the box I thought it looked just like a vibrator. It is about a foot long, grey, has a rotary head, an on/off switch, and is battery operated (C size!). I snickered. I turned it on. Yep, sounded exactly like a vibrator. Except as far as I know no vibrator has what looks like a Dremel bit on the end of it. Holy fucking ow that would grind your clit right off.

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