The Over-Educated Nympho

One of my many brilliant readers suggested that I give away a free copy of my book, Through the Eyes of an Over-Educated Nympho, to one of the numerous poor college students out there who cannot afford a copy on their own. Since it was not that long ago I too was a poor college student (and then poor grad student), I feel for you. That means shipping is free too, even if you live all the way on the other freaking side of the world.

If you are interested in donating some cash so that I can give away additional copies (and win huge Awesome points), please scroll to the bottom of this post.

UPDATE Tuesday 8pm: Since there are so many people entering to win a free book (and so many of the comments break my heart), I am donating an additonal three books plus shipping. Thanks to the donations of some generous readers, that makes for a total of TEN BOOKS to give away. Winners will be posted a week from tomorrow, on Wednesday December 10th. Entries and donations will be open through December 9th.

Now please continue to be patient with me while I bust my ass to finish the book and send it off to the printers in time for Christmas.

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As I promised the other day, for every 100 copies of my book that are sold I will post one sexy photo. Here’s some T & A, although in this case the T stands for thigh-highs. I hope you don’t mind, I airbrushed out the beer gut. And the tail. (Shut up, I don’t want to talk about it.)

Keep up the good work, everyone. Let’s see some more orders and maybe next time the entire booty will be in the photo. Hell, I’ll keep the tail in too.

I’m heading out of town to visit the folks for the next couple days (while surreptitiously putting the finishing touches on my book late at night after the parents have gone to sleep), so here are a few Thanksgiving-themed posts to keep you entertained:

The Thanksgiving Fairy
The Roads of Texas

And in preparation of my favorite holiday being around the corner, a few bastardized Christmas carols: Let Me Blow, The Twelve Days of XXXmas, and All I Want for Festivus is Booze

A reader had the great idea that I should post a sexy photo for every 100 copies I sell of my book, so check back in the next day or so for the first photo. Since I have my new boyfriend Tex to help out, I’ll be able to get much better pictures now that I’m not contorting myself in the closet mirror while trying to look sexy with a camera in hand.

As I get into the final days before sending my book to print, it’s important that I have an accurate count for bulk ordering. From an earlier poll it looked like 365 people wanted to buy at least one book each, but currently there are only 100 books total pre-ordered through Google Checkout and Paypal. I want to make sure that more people are planning to buy the book, otherwise I’ll change the number for my bulk order. Sorry to post another poll, but if you could take ten seconds to answer it would be very helpful:

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Recently I came across some old journal entries and notes from when I was interning in New York City after college. They alternated between being funny and heart-wrenching. At first I delighted in seeing early threads of what would become my writing style on the blog (including finding a note that said “what would a one-night stand contract be?”), but as I continued reading I felt a familiar sadness surfacing deep inside.

I’m sure the year I lived in Manhattan was a key time in becoming who I am now, but it can be hard to see that as a good thing through the thick film of memories from that time: hating my job, fucking guys I barely remember now, regularly eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream for dinner, cutting myself, crying every night, and trying to convince myself that this was the best year of my life.

What a fucking idiot.

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Pre-orders for my book of blog posts have started! Please order your books now so I can have an accurate count for my bulk order. Since so many readers have requested autographs, I’ll be selling/shipping books directly. Please note that this is a pre-order. The printed books won’t be ready for a couple more weeks, but I assure you I’ll start shipping them out as soon as I can.

Please read all ordering/shipping details before buying. You may use either Google Checkout (click “refresh” on your browser to update the shopping cart) or Paypal, both available at the bottom of the page.

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The proof copy of my book arrived today. The print company recommends printing at least one copy before the final version to check for formatting, cover quality, huge errors, etc. Last week I lay out the entire book and sent it in for printing even though it’s still far from being done (hence the reason I’ll be taking several vacation days off from work to finish this).

I did not expect the book to arrive so soon, so I was confused when our mail boy set a box down on my desk this afternoon. Upon seeing the print company’s name on the address label I squealed (on the inside, duh–I am a professional). I picked up the box and held it sweetly in my hands, as if having just been given a newborn. With my fingertips I stroked the top of the box and imagined the treasure inside.

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As another run-of-the-mill pervert, I see sex everywhere I go: boobs, dongs, shlongs, and an infinite supply of “that’s what she said”s! It never occurred to me that buying a battery-operated nail trimmer for my dogs would remind me so much of a vibrator.

The other day I bought this nifty contraption called PediPaws, “the incredible pet nail trimmer!” according to the brochure. As soon as I took the Pedipaws out of the box I thought it looked just like a vibrator. It is about a foot long, grey, has a rotary head, an on/off switch, and is battery operated (C size!). I snickered. I turned it on. Yep, sounded exactly like a vibrator. Except as far as I know no vibrator has what looks like a Dremel bit on the end of it. Holy fucking ow that would grind your clit right off.

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I know all I’ve been writing about lately is my book of blog posts, but duh that’s because that is all I’ve been doing when I’m not at work. And I may have spent a few long lunches at my work computer researching shipping costs and when the fuck you’re supposed to use a comma (I HATE THE BUGGERS! I refuse to use them unless absolutely/visually necessary). Anyhoodley-oo.

Now that I have a better idea of how long the book is (about 400 pages (okay FINE 432 pages at least count)), manufacturing costs, etc, it looks like paperbacks will be $15.00. Hardbacks with dust jacket will be $27.00. These prices take into account my upfront distribution cost and a tiny profit. Since I’m not entirely sold on the hardbacks, I want to make sure that there’s enough demand for them to go through with the additional distribution costs. Please humor me by answering another poll:

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As I move forward on self-publishing a book of blog posts, I’m getting into the details of formatting and production. If you wouldn’t mind taking a minute to answer a couple questions it would be very helpful:

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I have not felt like myself lately. Normally I’m a snarky and sarcastic hornball of a pervert with an occasional case of The Crankies, but for the past month and a half I’ve been a snarky and sarcastic dud who wishes I still had a prescription for Xanax. What I’m trying to say in a witty enough way to lessen the blow of WTFtardedness is that my sex drive is gone. It’s as if The Pussy disappeared without telling anyone where It was going. On behalf of myself, my brain, my neglected boyfriend, and my fidgety readers:

Pussy! We beg you to come back to us! THE TRIAD IS HOPELESS WITHOUT YOU! WE NEED YOU! WE ARE BROKEN AND MISERABLE WITHOUT THE PUSSY! AND WE’RE GETTING REALLY BORED TOO!

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In honor of election day (and my man winning), tonight I’m posting the winners from the back cover blurb contest. For new readers out there, I am working very hard to self-publish a book of blog posts in time for the holiday season.

Thank you to everyone for your wonderful submissions. Many brought me to giggles, which made it that much harder to choose which ones to use. So rather than choose my favorite three as originally planned, I’m picking my favorite… ooh… nine. The bestest ones will be on the back cover and the rest will be inside the book. Whose will go where will remain a surprise until publication.

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