I Said I’m F– Fi– Finnnnnnnne!
Today has been one of those odd grey days when I almost feel like crying but can’t quite make it. I argue that this is worse than crying because there’s no climax, no relief. I feel like crying but my tears can’t be bothered to show up, the lazy bastards.
When I last saw my boyfriend Tex this afternoon, he had said he might come over later tonight. At the time I was fine (like actually fine, not fake-fine), so I nodded and said “no prob, just let me know.”
A couple hours later I sat down to write but I couldn’t find that groove that usually comes so easily within the first two sentences. I stared at my laptop for half an hour before slamming it closed in defeat. Then I tried a nap, but my mind was racing too much to let me calm down. Next I tried walking the dogs until I realized that I felt tears coming. When I came back home, I tried letting them out. The tears refused. I wanted to reach into my eyeballs and pull them out just to get it over with.
