My Magical 2×4

I hate having upstairs neighbors. Unless if you live in a very solidly built apartment, you can hear every footstep and thud coming from the people living above you. This is why whenever possible I live on the top floor. I would rather walk up and down three flights of stairs six times every day than hear Elton John music coming through my ceiling. Nothing against Elton John! B-B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets! She’s got electric boobs and mohair shoes! But it should be my choice to listen to Elton John, not Joe Jackass upstairs.

Tonight I was in my bedroom writing when I heard a noise. It was the distinct creaking that only a bed can make, and it was creaking in the rhythm that only sex can bring out from a bed.

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stop pissing me off
chortles

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If I Can’t Make Out With You It’s My Brother’s Fault

I didn’t know what it was at first. Something about my new boyfriend Tex was weirding me out to the point that I noticed how unusually hands-off I was being. I found it especially odd because he’s the most attractive guy I’ve been with in a long time.Tex’s teeth and laugh alone made him five times cuter than The Marine.

And then I figured it out, and I was mortified. My new boyfriend acts and looks exactly like my brother.

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coupledom
I just threw up in my mouth a little
Tex

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18+ Only Please

I'm Vix, a 28 year-old Texan. After 18 years of private education and 3 degrees, I'm trying to leave the corporate world behind to become a sex/humor writer and novelist. I'm sexy, funny, ugly, raw, and entirely real-- because there's more to me than being a blowjob queen.

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