The Over-Educated Nympho

I’m back from my vacation in Mexico with The Marine after staying an additional day. I have the most frightful and uneven sunburn I have ever had in my life. I look like a mix between a goddamn raccoon and a piece of bacon. The Marine got Montezuma’s Revenge and refused to admit it despite the fact that he kept running to the bathroom and then emerging from it with “promise me you won’t go in there for twenty minutes.”

Even though I’m so burned it hurts for me to wear clothes and The Marine suffered his own personal shit storm, we had an awesome vacation. Check back tonight for posts. Meanwhile if my coworkers ask why I didn’t show up for work today, tell them Customs was holding me in confinement until I released the spider monkey.

I’m heading to Mexico for my sexcation early Friday morning, and I won’t be back until late Monday. Until then, here are some posts from the archives and favorites list to keep you entertained for the next couple days.

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The other day my friend Barbie called. I haven’t told her much about The Marine beyond what she reads on the blog, which is most of what there is to say. It would be entirely different if he were boyfriend material, but he’s not so I don’t. After chatting for about twenty minutes we got to discussing my upcoming sexcation.

“When is your trip to Mexico?” she asked.

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Lately I have received several emails from readers hoping/planning to lose their virginity soon. Virginity does not get much coverage in this blog for obvious reasons, but that doesn’t mean it is not blog-worthy.

For the younger (or less sexually fortunate) readers out there, I’m going to tell you everything that I wish I had known when I was an adolescent eager beaver without easy internet access at my disposal. Damn my parents for keeping the computer in the office next to their bedroom. Damn them. I could have been a porn star by now.

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It’s the final countdown until my trip to Mexico with The Marine. We leave Friday morning. My coworkers ask me what we’re going to do there. Since “each other” is not a work-appropriate response, I say “go the beach. Drink margaritas, you know. Mexico stuff.”

More like fuck, go the beach, fuck, drink margaritas, fuck, capture a spider monkey, and get reprimanded on the airplane for attempting to join the Mile-High Club. You know, Mexico stuff.

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Today I helped host a baby shower. I do not like babies or baby showers, but I like Pregnant Coworker enough that I agreed to help two other coworkers throw a party this evening. I don’t really like planning parties either. I’m not festive. My forte is in mockery, however I was informed that that would not be welcome today.

Fine. I will be the surly girl in the corner holding a CONGRATULATIONS balloon while I add whiskey to my drink and keep at least a twenty foot radius from all pregnant women. They have preggo cooties–I swear that shit is contagious.

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When I masturbate, I think about girls. But I’m straight.

When I see a hot girl walk past me in a short skirt I wonder what kind of underwear she has on, if any at all. But I’m straight.

When I see a hot girl, I check out her legs, her ass, her tits, her stomach, her eyes, everything. But I’m straight.

Yep, I’m as straight as the vibrator I’m shoving up my pussy when I’m thinking about sucking on some perky tits.

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On Friday night The Marine came over to my place for our weekly naked time. By the time we finished eating our Chinese take-out we had gotten pretty tipsy on wine. It’s always fun reading fortune cookies to each other, especially when it leads to “…in bed,” which is often followed by “then I would… ” And then inappropriate grabbing ensues.

The Marine’s fortune was lame. Actually, try to think of another four-letter word that starts with the letter “L.” That’s right, it said something like “tell someone you LOVE them.” [emphasis mine because when I heard that I nearly SHIT A PIECE OF LOVE-FLAVORED CRAP.]

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I like getting it up the ass. Love it, actually. I am all about the ass. Fingers, tongues, vibrators, cocks, it’s all good. I am sad to say that I haven’t had anal sex in a couple years, but it looks like that will be changing soon.

For the past two I have been single, and I don’t want to throw my ass up in the air for just anyone. To a nympho like me, anal sex is a little something special. It’s my way of saying “hey man, I think you’re cool. You are a great fuck and I believe you would make sure I enjoy having anal sex with you. I hope your dick and my ass have a lovely time together.” See? I can be a romantic.

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Hopefully when you opened up the blog today you noticed a little something different in the address bar. I took a reader’s suggestion and gave my site a favicon. I thought about doing something sexy–well, as sexy as can be done in a 16×16 pixel square. Instead I decided on the outline of Texas in the OEN colors of black and pink as a tribute to Texas Platinum Pussy. I do what I can to remind the rest of the world that Texas has more to offer than hillbillies, good ol’ boys, and cow shit.

Anyone who is interested in adding a favicon to their own site, here are some very simple instructions.

Update: the favicon doesn’t show in Internet Explorer. Does anyone know how to fix this?