The Over-Educated Nympho

It was bound to happen one day. Every time I see Big Little Brother (i.e. he’s the older of my two younger brothers) he is taller, broader, has a stronger jaw, more facial hair, and smells better.

It didn’t occur to me when we were younger that he could ever be attractive–he’s my brother, for fuckssake. In my mind he is forever ten years old and has a potbelly. I guess the little bastard was destined to grow up eventually–but into someone hot? Seriously? Is it not enough that he’s really good at math?

Continue Reading »

I posted my response, It’s More Than A Miniature Crocodile Head, to our latest question on Chemistry.com’s Great Mate Debate: What’s the best holiday gift you ever got from a romantic partner – and why?

Is it really too much to ask that a boyfriend give me a coupon book of sexual favors? 1 hour between your legs, 2 hours BDSM (and I won’t cry this time), 1 affirmation that your ass cellulite is sexy, 1 full weekend in bed, etc. I mean, DUH. And if there were one that said clean the kitchen, that would be awesome too. Just sayin’. ON YOUR KNEES, BITCH!

Bonus post at Great Mate Debate: The New Year’s Eve Kiss.

Ah, time to merge two of my favorite OEN features: the blowjob series and my naughty Christmas carols. This one is based on “Let It Snow“:

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But my smile is so insightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let me blow let me blow let me blow

Continue Reading »

Based on the original “Twelve Days of Christmas“:

On the first day of XXXmas
Someone please give me
A brand-new leather sex swing

Continue Reading »

In the shadow of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas“:

Continue Reading »

With work deadlines quickly becoming a distant and distasteful memory, I’m looking forward to leaving town tomorrow morning to spend Christmas with my family. Dad has promised tequila, Mom promised cookies, Little-Big Bro promised a trip to Best Buy, and Little-Little Bro agreed to make a gingerbread house with me because we are equally lame bursting with the Cool gene. If history serves me correctly, I will be coming down with a nasty cold around Sunday/Monday and I will be too miserable todding like dis to enjoy the normal holiday festivities, but that’s what Dad’s in/famous moonshine-based “cough syrup” is for.

Continue Reading »

Christmas carols are jolly good fun. Christmas carols are especially jolly-filled when they are bastardized and include lots of delightfully naughty words that would make Santa himself want to be on the “bad” list.

Here’s my version of “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree“:

Continue Reading »

If you haven’t lately, you should check out the brilliant Fellatrix. Her blog is dedicated to everything you could ever want to know about the art of giving blowjobs. Today she is starting a “Fellatio Friday” feature (alliteration! wee!!)

Here’s part of the instructions from her blog:

Continue Reading »

Just past midnight my hit counter broke 500,000. It was only six and a half months ago that I had 200,000 hits. I like the way this is going. If I could do math before coffee, I’d be way excited about the next year’s projections. I am totally booty-shaking in my head right now. Will booty-shake for real when coffee kicks in.

Continue Reading »

I have hardly done any Christmas shopping for my family. I come from a long line of procrastinators. Every year since I started college, my brothers and I go to Best Buy on Christmas Eve and buy each other stuff. Like “Hey, Vix, I want this DVD.” “Okay. I want these headphones.” “Okay.” It’s great. Since we already know what our presents are, no wrapping is required other than attaching a twice-used ribbon thingy on it and writing someone’s name in permanent marker across the box.

On Friday I emailed all my family members asking what I should get them for Christmas. This morning I came into the office and had four emails saying “I don’t really want anything. What do you want?”

I WANT YOU TO WANT SOMETHING! FOR UNDER FIFTY BUCKS! JACKASS!

Continue Reading »

As promised, for every $150 I make from commissions for IntimateGifts.com, Chemistry.com, Amazon.com, etc, I will post one sexy photo.

Here you go:

Continue Reading »

I showed up at the restaurant a few minutes late to meet my ex-boyfriend from college. When Nice Ex came up to me I barely recognized him–he was clean-shaven, tidy, and dressed in clothes far nicer than anything I ever saw on him when we were dating. “Aw, Mr. Country Bumpkin is all growned up!” I teased him. And into a sharp-looking trial lawyer–didn’t see that coming.

At first it was awkward but in that cute “I’ve seen you naked” kind of way. In spite of Nice Ex’s nervousness and my sleep deprivation, conversation came easily. I was definitely sizing him up for smoochability. He’s just as sweet and funny as I remember… maybe a friends-with-benefits thing could work out. It was definitely on the table. I thought he felt it too, especially when he ever-so-casually (and not at all convincingly) said, “so last I heard you were about to get married?..”

Continue Reading »