aka the alter ego of This Week on “Great Mate Debate.”
I posted my response, If I Wanted You To Know What I Was Thinking, I Would Tell You, to our fourth question on Chemistry.com’s Great Mate Debate: Why do men hate it when women ask, “What are you thinking…?”
The original post I wrote was super long, so I broke it up into two posts. The more thoughtful (less snarky, whatever) portion is on the Great Mate Debate site, and the little nuggets of pure bitch-gold are shown below. The posts are best read together, but I didn’t want to bogart the GMD screen real estate. Or get fired.
These are honest responses to the question “what are you thinking?”, which are exactly the sort of things I learned long ago never to say to a boyfriend unless you can deal with him withholding sex “until you know how to be nice again”:
- If that McSteamy guy on Grey’s Anatomy has a nice dick. (definitely)
- Cupcakes. I love cupcakes. I want a cupcake.
- Doing you and your brother at the same time. BOOYAH.
- If we’re going to get it on tonight because if so I need to shave my armpits. My stubble could cut you.
- Why I can feel my butt bouncing up and down when I run on the treadmill
- You wonder why I like talking to the dog more than you? Because he never asks me “what are you thinking?” He just goes straight to humping my leg. Why can’t you do that?
- Boooobies! Bouncy bouncy bouncy
- SHHH!!! NO SPEAKING UNTIL THE OFFICE IS OVER.
- How to make my first million (automatic cupcake-dispensing machine)
- Nothing. Like, seriously. Sometimes I’m kind of stupid.
- Is Britney or Lindsay’s career plummeting faster? Britney has more money but Lindsay still looks kinda hot when she’s standing up right…
- Are you going to have a flat ass like your father when you get old? How do you feel about butt implants?
- How today I locked myself in the bathroom for a hour at the office and cried
- If I ate half this container of vanilla cake frosting, would you judge me? What if I told you I ate the other half for breakfast this morning?
- Work, and I know you think my job is boring so I don’t bother talking about it anymore
- Work… at work this super hot client came in to the office and I was just thinking about all the disgusting things I want to with him that you never let me do with you, Mr. It’s-Called-Making-Love
- How to make my second million (automatic dual cupcake-dispensing/Oreo milkshake-making machine)
- It was time to change my minipad about an hour ago. Must move soo sloooowly toward bathroom
- Every time I look at you, a piece of me dies inside
- I was just having a lovely time lost in my mental Happy Place and you had to go and RUIN IT with your stupid question. If I tell you “I love you” and “noooo I don’t think McSteamy is handsome, I don’t know what all the other girls are talking about,” will you leave me the hell alone?
- I need to poo
- How much it pisses me off that you ask me this fucking question ten times a night every fucking night
- That stain on the carpet looks like Vermont
Stumble it!
Miss Belle | 23-Oct-07 at 7:09 am | Permalink
I have a question.
*waving hand in the air like the annoying I-know-the-answer-to-every-question kid.*
So do these come to you in the moment? Because I can usually think of a ton of smart, sassy answers after the fact but I can never seem to get them out when they would be useful. Am I just a dumbass or is this common among others?
Over Educated Nympho | 23-Oct-07 at 8:32 am | Permalink
Several do, but not this many otherwise I would choke on all the snark and not get anything out which would be terrible. I used to never come up with anything smart at the moment, but after twenty years of “damnit! I should have thought of that earlier!” I’ve gotten a lot better at it.
Joanna | 23-Oct-07 at 3:54 pm | Permalink
Laughing hilariously here! I used to ask my fiance what are you thinking, but now I don’t give a shit. He is entitled to his weird private thoughts as well…I sometimes think that fantasizing is what keeps some of us sane. Reality bites
I am so chipper today, can you tell?
Griff | 23-Oct-07 at 4:37 pm | Permalink
That’s awesome. Normally I really don;t ask that question to anybody. If they want to talk about it with me they can, and they know that. Sort of a silly question when you think about it, because you wouldn’t be only thinking it if you wanted to say it out loud.
Freya | 23-Oct-07 at 5:51 pm | Permalink
I used to ask, or want to ask my boyfriends what’s on their minds, now like, Joanna, I don’t care. Well, maybe I care a tad, but not enough to ask, hehe. I usually got the most retarded answers and when I felt myself annoyed by being asked that question I just stopped. Pointless effort otherwise. hehe. Love your answers!
Joe in Jacksonville | 24-Oct-07 at 7:04 pm | Permalink
I think that asking what someone is thinking is generally asked in a self-serving manner, anyway; no-one really cares about what anyone else is thinking unless it somehow impacts the questioner. Be careful- the answer might not be something that you want to hear.