Day two without a call from Sexy Venezuelan. What the hell. How long am I going to have to wait for him to call me back? What about my plans to hook up with him Saturday night if he won’t call me back until Sunday?
Over the past couple days I have found myself wondering why it takes guys so long to return a call. I made it very clear I was interested in him, and I thought he felt the same way. What’s the hold-up? Shit, he didn’t even have to make the first move because I did! I asked him out, got his phone number, and called him. Please don’t tell me I have to find his balls for him too, because I’m like, really busy.
For years I’ve always assumed that when a guy didn’t call me back right away, it was because 1) he was an asshole or 2) he was playing the “I don’t want to look desperate and call her too soon” game, which means he waits a week and ends up looking like an asshole anyway. I’m beginning to realize that maybe the reason it can take a guy so long to call back isn’t because he’s playing some mind-game, but because the poor bastard is scared out of his mind about calling you. Huh. How has this evaded me for so long?
While working late at the office again tonight, one of my favorite scenes from the movie Swingers came to mind. When a bunch of guys are out at a bar, they try to get one of their buddies to ask for the phone number of a girl who was flirting with him earlier. Unfortunately the poor bastard thinks she thought he was an idiot. Being sympathetic and understanding friends, they give him a pep talk to try to get him to see that he’s got the goods to pull off hitting on a girl like her.
Here’s a link to a video of the scene I’m referring to. If anyone can find a better-quality video, please post the link in the comments. Here’s a partial transcript of the scene from imdb.com:
Trent: You know what you are? You’re like a big bear with claws and with fangs…
Sue: …big fucking teeth, man.
Trent: Yeah… big fuckin’ teeth on ya’. And she’s just like this little bunny, who’s just kinda cowering in the corner.
Sue: Shivering.
Trent: Yeah, man just kinda… you know, you got these claws and you’re staring at these claws and your thinking to yourself, and with these claws you’re thinking, “How am I supposed to kill this bunny, how am I supposed to kill this bunny?”
Sue: And you’re poking at it, you’re poking at it…
Trent: Yeah, you’re not hurting it. You’re just kinda gently batting the bunny around, you know what I mean? And the bunny’s scared Mike, the bunny’s scared of you, shivering.
Sue: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs…
Trent: And you got these fucking claws and these fangs, man! And you’re looking at your claws and you’re looking at your fangs. And you’re thinking to yourself, you don’t know what to do, man. “I don’t know how to kill the bunny.” With this you don’t know how to kill the bunny, do you know what I mean?
Sue: You’re like a big bear, man.
Mike: So you’re not just like fucking with me?
Trent: No I’m not fucking with you.
Sue: Honestly, man.
Except in my case, I am not an unsuspecting bunny. I am a cunning bunny who knows the big bear needs a little help, which is why I have thrown myself down in his path where I can pretend to cower in fear. Ooh, look at me writhing in anticipation of what ungodly things are coming my way! And I may just happen to be naked. With a pair of handcuffs that he can use to keep me pinned while he has his way with me.
Dude. Just kill the bunny already.
I understand that as a big bear it can be scary going after a bunny. After all, bunnies are cute, fluffy, and adorable. How can they be anything other than utterly terrifying? I can’t believe anyone allows such terrible creatures in the petting zoo. Look out! Her whiskers are ticklish!
It probably doesn’t occur to Sexy Venezuelan that I was scared out of my fucking mind asking him out because he is so cool/nice/sexy/hot that I worried HE would turn me down. Did he miss the trembling hands and shaky voice? What the fuck. I want to reach into my phone, grab him by the balls, and shove him in front of a mirror for a pep talk:
Dude. Look at you. LOOK AT YOU. You’re cool, smart, and sweet. And so fucking hot that if I look at you for too long I get wet between my legs and temporarily lose the majority of my motor skills. I think I am the one reaching out of my league to ask YOU out. So be a man, push the little button on your cell phone, and call me. I’m only going to think you’re a dickless pansy if you don’t call me back. Then not only will you be dickless, you’ll be ball-less. How very embarrassing for you. In comparison is calling me back really that bad?
I’ve been told it can be intimidating as hell to approach a girl, especially if she’s smart, funny, tall, etc. (um, or snide like me). Apparently if the girl makes the first move, this only scares him more because not only is she smart/funny/tall, she also has bigger balls than him. With a pair like that how do I ever get laid?
Sweetie, I’m really not that scary. I pick my nose. I often confuse east and west, and I give my dogs voices when they talk to me. How terrifying can I really be? Okay, shut the hell up. Most of the time I’m just as scared as you are, but I will still risk mild humiliation on the off-chance it becomes one of those things I will brag about for life.
Guys, there is something I want to tell you on behalf of millions of girls out there who wonder these questions over and over again when a guy doesn’t call even though they had great chemistry. We asked you out for a reason. You are smart. You are funny. You are nice. You are so incredibly hot that I have to look away. Why is it so hard to own up to realizing that maybe YOU are the catch? What, you think a girl calls you out of pity? NO, DUMBASS. She goes through her own Tums-laced personal anguish of asking you out because she thinks you’re worth the stomach jitters. So grow a pair and call me her back.
Here’s a clue. For every guy out there sweating over how to talk to a girl like he’s a remotely intelligent human being without making her run for the hills, there is a girl out there waiting for the goddamn phone to ring. Every day that goes by she thinks he is that less interested in her.
Guys, it does not occur to us (okay, ME), that you aren’t calling because you’re scared. It was only after reading a guy’s blog post about this and readers’ comments that I got that if it takes a guy a whole week to call, it’s not (always) because he’s an asshole. Sometimes, yes, but that’s another post.
You always hear from your friends and on tv things like, “oh, he’s just intimidated!” or “he thinks you’re out of his league.” I have never bought this crap. It’s the nice thing your friends are supposed to say when a guy is a fuckwit. It never occurred to me until, well, today that the bunny cowering in fear may actually be the guy.
Oh sweet merciful crap, does that make me the big bear? But I know how to use my claws, as you can see from the many guys I have marked over the years.
What? Oh don’t be scared. If you take away my stiletto heels and dirty mouth, I’m just a cute little bunny like you, sweetie! A fuck bunny who regularly makes nasty-nasty with a battery-operated jack rabbit, but whatever. Come on, let’s be fuck bunnies together! We can hide in the bushes and rattle the thicket all night long.
Of course that will never happen if you don’t grow a pair and call me back.
_____________
Continue reading here.
Stumble it!
Sarah Woolley | 12-Sep-07 at 5:22 am | Permalink
taaa daaaaa!!!
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=ODjE-_OB3JI
xxxxxx
Sarah Woolley | 12-Sep-07 at 5:28 am | Permalink
PS I think this is the scene that really says what is probably going down here
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk&mode=related&search=
Vixen | 12-Sep-07 at 5:42 am | Permalink
All that pent up emotion…the Pussy is really getting pissed!
nino | 12-Sep-07 at 7:25 am | Permalink
so money!
Justin E | 12-Sep-07 at 8:38 am | Permalink
I, being a man, have this to say: we have a the rule about not calling back for 2-4 days not because we don’t want to but it is because of “the game”. If it didn’t look desperate or the “you are the only thing on our mind, so you can wrap us around your finger” then yes we would call you the day after we got the number. You should have taken his number then if you didn’t want to be on edge waiting for him to call. Since this IS 2007 and women(feminists) have fought for the ability to do this.
Girls/women are not bunnies(except for those that work for playboy, or it’s Halloween). They are cats. Once they get bored of playing they will leave, even if we still want the attention.
You even said it yourself, once you get the guy to your bed, you have lost the desire to want him anymore, no guy likes that (well after the hot sex and the aftershock, unless the sex was bad)
Justin E | 12-Sep-07 at 8:41 am | Permalink
… or he’s just not that into you.
joel | 12-Sep-07 at 8:58 am | Permalink
If you think that a bunny cant be “utterly terrifying”, then you obviously haven’t seen “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”.
By the way, the blog post from the biker dude was absolutely RIGHT!! The way he described it minute by minute was perfect. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times i dialed a phone # before the girl actually picked up. It takes plenty of balls to call a girl. So, Venezuelan guy has probably been trying to call you from day one!!
cnsy_scudman | 12-Sep-07 at 11:55 am | Permalink
Hmmm… odd visions of Hotel New Hamphsire ran through my mind Bears and strap-ons. Vix, you don’t own a bear suit by any chance?
Astryd | 12-Sep-07 at 11:55 am | Permalink
Justin-she did get his number AND called him already, that’s why she’s waiting for his RETURN call. We have the ability and Do such things.
My dear men, with our own insecurities as well, when a woman takes the initiative to get your number and express obvious interest in you, not to mention, makes that initial phone call or contact after the exchange it’s because she wants to get in your pants or has at least entertained the thought a few times during her moonlight solo.
, he may not be interested but call a girl up and say something, lets just grab a cup of coffee, my schedule’s really full, I’m not looking for a quick fuck right now, I’m flattered thank you but no, anything!
We are putting ourselves at your mercy, so to speak, because at this moment it is your turn to respond or shoot us down. It can be a great risk for us, our ego, and/or self esteem as well. If a woman asks for your number, if you have a girlfriend (or are romantically attached in any way shape or form) and/or what you are doing this weekend it is because you have been on HER mind and are already ‘in’. All you must do now is give us a green light. Delay in this will cause great disillusion but we are usually willing to overlook that. We know and sympathize of male/other’s weaknesses, fears, insecurities and are willing to wait (a little) for you to come around (we think you’re that hot and worth it, don’t prove us wrong). If you can’t get past that we may deduce you and I, sadly, are not sexually compatible and more likely not compatible in many other ways as well (lack of interest being the major card here).
Now as far as losing interest, it may be because although sex was good it was not great, sexual chemistry was not there, what we had hoped for and anticipated was simply not there, etc. not only nor always because we’re cold-hearted bitches. Most of us who know, acknowledge and are not entirely ashamed of what we are or what we are looking for will be direct with you as to what you can expect from the ‘relationship’ (IF you question it); friendship, romance, fuck buddies only, etc. It is then up to you to decide whether you can handle that kind of honesty and/or arrangement (and let a girl know).
We are aware that, though rare
Vix, come Friday afternoon what I would do if you don’t see him earlier, is call him again. Hope possibly even pray for the machine again to avoid the ‘deer in headlights’ reaction from him and leave this message, “Hey, this is Vix, I was making my weekend plans and was hoping you’d be free maybe Saturday afternoon/evening. I’m leaning towards *fill in blank* (DO NOT say, have my naughty way with your naked glistening body strapped to my bedposts, he might run) but open to suggestions, it could be tons of fun! Call and let me know 555-4321.”
Justin E | 12-Sep-07 at 1:05 pm | Permalink
Astryd - hmmm, guess I overlooked that she called him.
It would be great if women had such openness to communicate like you have set as an example. I would love to know if a girl just wants to be fuck buddies, I would be happy with that, but most don’t (maybe because they think we will call them bad names like slut and whore (and not in the bedroom)). I would love a woman with confidence, but I just don’t see any besides Vix and a few of her readers. Of course I’m 99.95% positive I will not ever meet any of you(hence the reason I tend to say what ever I feel like saying with out trying to be an asshole).
joel- this bunny could be a woman too Mean bunny
Loving Annie | 12-Sep-07 at 4:04 pm | Permalink
Good Wednesday afternoon to you, Vix !
I’ve gotten too burned on taking the initiative, and the guy ALWAYS ends up with someone else.
I read ‘he’s just not that into you’. It made sense. Too much sense.
I don’t care what his reasons are - if he’s too much of a wuss to step up to the plate, he’ll NEVER really be able to handle me — or for that matter, you, Vix.
I know how frustrating it can be. I also know the surge of pleasure there is a from a guy making all the moves and making them in succession so you don’t ever NEED to pick up the phone.
I say you deserve a guy who never makes you wonder. Or wait.
And I say I desreve to have you comment on my blog too every now and then, Vix ! (shamelessly begs for attention due to the current situation discussed in her last 2 posts)
Loving Annie
AlphaFemale | 12-Sep-07 at 4:09 pm | Permalink
Perhaps, since he’s Venezuelan, and we all know how macho Latin men can be - maybe he’s thrown off by your ballsiness and that killed the deal. I wouldn’t call him again. He knows how to find you (through his brother), and if he’s interested, he’ll call. A wise woman once told me, “a guy will knock down buildings to get to the girl he likes.” He won’t not call you back if he’s interested. Stop spending your precious energy on this loser - he’s not worth it. Trust me - take it from someone who’s been there and is sick of it herself.
A Loyal Reader | 12-Sep-07 at 8:30 pm | Permalink
That’s some shit… (I noticed that I post very short comments. I should fix that and leave you essays like the people above me. Haha)
little pink girlie | 12-Sep-07 at 8:34 pm | Permalink
Vix, remember when I told you the story of how I met my boy? I got his information on the first night we met and emailed him within the hour (that’s how much I knew this boy was ‘in’ as Astryd put it), however, I did not hear from him again until two weeks later when he happened to see me at the gas station, remember? At that point (he told me later on), he confessed that after the first night we met, he couldn’t get me off of his mind, but somehow missed the email from me, but to make up for it he pulled out his cell phone and got my number. And since then, well, you know how it’s been. So, I guess my point is, boys, quit it with the agony-game! LOL. If we hunt you down, the 2-4 day rule game should immediately be thrown out - at least, that’s how it is for me.
Marcelle Manhattan | 12-Sep-07 at 10:26 pm | Permalink
Just found your blog and I LOVE it! I passed your over-educated nympho tests with flying colors. (Prep school, Ivy League almost-PhD, and so pervy I scare folks … yep.) Good to know there are others out there!
Anyway, I would say this: regardless of his motives, you will hear from him eventually. Or, conversely, not. Right now it’s sort of Schroedinger’s date. Don’t worry about opening the box too soon, or it’ll be “kill the cat, already,” and that’s not what you want. Time will tell. And then you can feel/react accordingly.
Michael G | 13-Sep-07 at 2:36 am | Permalink
I note that this isn’t the first guy you’ve (apparently) intimidated - there was also the other guy at the recent wedding. To me, that one sounded just like “oh shit, the hot girl is coming on to me, what do I do now?”
I guess that’s what Texas Platinum Pussy does to a guy. We all secretly fantasize that the hot chick is interested in us (we who are dweebs), but in reality, we’re all scared to death of what that would actually entail.
It’s also an ego thing. A great number of us are terrified that you’ll find out that our dick size is too small and you’ll laugh.
ilmars | 13-Sep-07 at 2:44 am | Permalink
Vix, transfixed, bemoans her fate,
Seeking this Latino mate.
I’d lay you big wampum:
To score that one quantum
She’d go on a Schroedinger’s date.
Michael G | 13-Sep-07 at 2:48 am | Permalink
Oh, and here’s the Monty Python killer rabbit sequence.
“That’s no ordinary rabbit! That’s the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you’ve ever set eyes on! Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer! He’s got huge sharp…. he can leap about… Look at the bones!”
Moral: What appears to be a soft fluffy harmless bunny isn’t always, even if you’ve got bear claws. That’s what guys who lack some self-confidence think.
Shane | 13-Sep-07 at 6:44 pm | Permalink
The funny thing to me is, this is what happens whenever I ask a young lady out.
The nerve-wracking doubt, the questioning of every interaction, the endless anticipation.
Sucks to be the one to lay yourself out on the line.
Shasta | 16-Sep-07 at 6:56 pm | Permalink
Ah, I love that movie. Sums up everything! Although I’m not a bunny, I’m a damn tigress who’s ready to pounce. With really sharp claws…but I don’t scratch..hard! I only leave marks if you want me to. HEHE!
mimulus | 22-Sep-07 at 6:23 pm | Permalink
Just repeating what a reader commented in another site, which I agree 100%: “It takes a man to admit his true intentions [whatever they are]. And a boy to just play games.”
IndianaMatt | 05-Feb-08 at 1:22 pm | Permalink
Awesome post. It never ceases to amaze me when I think about how I viewed females in high school. They were mystical creatures just ready to pounce on you with sarcasm and rejection if you were so bold as to actually call them. Seriously, I thought they were all goddesses way to special to talk to me on the phone. They were probably at home doing some laundry when I was wasting time thinking this.
AS | 24-Jun-08 at 1:05 pm | Permalink
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SoHvcpDHH0&feature=related