The Over-Educated Nympho

As of this morning, I have had over 1,000,000 page visits. Not visitors, but page visits. Still huge. 1,000,000 page visits. Wow. That is, like, wow. If I tried counting to a million I would probably stop at 37 and snicker, then 69 and snicker again, then 404 and go ape-shit and get arrested for beating up a server in an empty field in Virginia with the business end of my stiletto while Ice Cube played in the background (dude, if I went to jail would that not be the best jail story? Well aside from doing something naked. Nothing beats a good naked/jail story. Would it still count if I were in my Superwoman underpants?). So a million is a lot. Way more than I would ever have the patience to count to.

Probably about a quarter of those page views were for “how to give a blowjob” and I am very flattered to be holding strong in Google’s top five for that. According to my nifty dashboard here, I have written 700 posts since the start of this blog two years ago. I think something like 500 of those were in the last year. Damn. No wonder I never get any fucking sleep .

NOW WHERE’S MY GONG?! I WANT A GONG!!

–runs into kitchen and bangs two skillets against each other–

Over the course of this blog I have received many propositions for sex. Fine, whatever, it’s to be expected with a blog name such as “The Over-Educated Nympho.” Lately I have received more propositions* than usual in response to my frequent complaint that IT’S BEEN THREE AND A HALF MONTHS, kindly offering a willing specimen to suck off.

Golly gee whiz and shucks, that is just too sweet of you!* I am delighted to hear that you are “a givr” and “luv sexy nymp-hos lik u” and that you “have an IQ of 153 and an 8-inch cock, work in a pristegous law firm, and love dogs.” Wow. I mean that is truly awesome at its awesome-ist. So awesome I nearly forgot to hit delete and cackle.

Sadly it has come to the point that there are so many propositions that I simply can’t keep them straight. I hired a clever high school boy with pimples to set up a form and a database to make the selection process easier. I mean, when comparing such gems as “eats lunch with other Ivy Leaguers” and “luv ur pussy mama,” what is a girl to do? Well, I mean other than point and laugh.

Continue Reading »