The Over-Educated Nympho

This post is the complete list of goals from what I started earlier. The intention is to think about your grandest and most intimate dreams. In all honesty I don’t think most of mine are that far-fetched. I have every intention of doing my damndest to make each of them happen–even if it takes forty years.

Defining my goals has been on my mind for quite some time, especially over the last year after I looked at my life and finally admitted to myself this isn’t what I want. Recently my writing mentor Stockton and a couple writing-savvy readers here have started challenging me to get serious about my goals–to approach my future as a writer, not as someone who wants to be a writer.

I’m republishing the first half of my goals here for the sake of continuity, but note the new stuff starts at #6:

1. Live abroad. Italy, the UK, Australia, Spain, Brazil, all of the above. I get stir-crazy, as you may have noticed. If I had the money and the right career, I’d move every two or three years to somewhere completely new.
2. Travel all over the world. Asia, Middle East, South America, Egypt, Russia, Ireland, Switzerland.. okay, like everywhere. I’ve traveled a lot more than most people my age, but that doesn’t mean I’m done. All of my previous travels were when I was young and bright-eyed and amazed with everything. Not that I won’t be different in the future, but I think now I would be able to get a lot more out of the experience. Not just the many flavors of men.
3. Enjoying my body. This has little to do with maintaining my appearance. Shocker, I have cellulite on my ass! moving on–what I mean is treating my body well and enjoying how much it can do. In spite of the major surgery I had years ago, my body is strong and capable of so much. I love how it carries me through life when I don’t think I have the strength for it. I want to appreciate it and treat it like it deserves for as long as I breathe.
4. Make peace with the way I am. I finally came to terms with my depression after five or six years, but the AD(H)D thing is still new to me. I don’t understand it, and I hate feeling like it’s a burden. I know it can be a great gift if tunneled in the appropriate way, but I’m still trying to get to that point. Hell, this goal alone is half the reason I’m working on a novel, purpose- and content-wise.
5. Write a novel. One that touches the world just a tiny bit, even if it never makes the New York Times Bestsellers List. That would be way cool, but in all honesty that’s not why I’m up at three in the morning writing.
6. To be regarded as a twenty-first century Dorothy Parker. How fantastic to go down in history as a first-class smartass.
7. Start a new women’s magazine. One that would 1) not embarrass me to read in public, 2) not preach at me, 3) not bore me, 4) not turn me off because it tries too hard to be alternative/progessive/sassy, and most importantly it would 5) make me laugh so hard that I tinkle a little in my pants. I’ve read every women’s magazine out there, and none of them do it for me. Don’t get me wrong, I still read my brain-candy mags every month when they arrive in my mailbox, but it’s not exactly a rare moment when I roll my eyes while reading one on the john.
8. Never stop trying to make people laugh. People are beautiful when they smile, but a heart-felt laugh can make someone glow. I love making people laugh, I always have. When I meet someone stuffy I make it my personal goal to get a good belly-laugh out of them. I did that with Dr. $300 just a couple weeks ago. He started out all serious and shit and after half an hour I had him giggling. The fucker still wouldn’t give me a discount though.
9. Fall in love. Even though relationships and “till death do us part” scare the fuck out of me, that doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to change my mind. In spite of all the assholes and douchebags who have tried to break me, I believe in love. I may scoff at stories that end in “happily ever after,” but that won’t keep me from trying to find my perfect frog.
10. I want to feel like my existence mattered–and not for being #4 on Google for “how to give a blowjob.”

I think most of these are detailed versions of my main goal: to be able to say that I sought out the life I wanted. I don’t ever want to be complacent. If that means it takes me a lot of fuck-ups and depression to find the life I want, then so be it. I would much rather be scared and moving forward than bored and going nowhere.