The Over-Educated Nympho

Over the last couple days I have spent hours looking up apartments online and in person. At first I wasn’t sure that I wanted to move when my lease ran out because moving is such a pain in the ass, but on Thursday I found myself asking if a stack of computer boxes in the I.T. department was up for grabs.

“You moving?” the head I.T. guy asked.

“Yep. In two months.” Oh. That just slipped out. I guess that means I made up my mind.

Continue Reading »

Tonight after work I went out for margaritas with a couple girls from the office (yay! I finally have cool girl friends my age at work! IT ONLY TOOK A FREAKING YEAR). Within fifteen minutes it came out that I.T. Guy had asked out all four of us at one time or another. All over email. This amused us to no end.

Dude. Seriously.

Continue Reading »

This post is the complete list of goals from what I started earlier. The intention is to think about your grandest and most intimate dreams. In all honesty I don’t think most of mine are that far-fetched. I have every intention of doing my damndest to make each of them happen–even if it takes forty years.

Defining my goals has been on my mind for quite some time, especially over the last year after I looked at my life and finally admitted to myself this isn’t what I want. Recently my writing mentor Stockton and a couple writing-savvy readers here have started challenging me to get serious about my goals–to approach my future as a writer, not as someone who wants to be a writer.

I’m republishing the first half of my goals here for the sake of continuity, but note the new stuff starts at #6:

Continue Reading »

In the last couple days I’ve gotten tagged by two fellow bloggers (and regular commenters). Both are very fun and so I’m doing my part to spread the love.

Mr. WriteNow passed along his Thinking Blogger award to “Five Blogs that Make Me Think,” which included me (weee!! I knew having a dirty mind would get me somewhere!). According to the host site, I am supposed to “Please, remember to tag blogs with real merits, i.e. relative content, and above all - blogs that really get you thinking!” Here are my five:

Continue Reading »

When I was four years old I SWEAR I found a porno magazine in our living room. I opened it (ooh, shiny pages! pretty!) and found a spread of a bunch of naked people lying on top of each other. I asked my mother what they were doing. It looks like fun! I hate wearing clothes too!

She snatched (haha, snatch) the magazine from my hands and told me I shouldn’t be looking at such things.

Fortunately, I have an excellent visual memory. Now we know why. Even at the tender age of four, I knew an orgy was something worth searing into my brain.

I’m taking a break from posting tonight (or at least posting anything long, which has become the norm lately) so that I can devote some time to one of those two super-secret writing projects I mentioned in last night’s post. I’m done being scared. Time to act. Granted I’ve said this before, but that was before I faced The MOM. Being able to keep going after that shows promise. No one’s rejection can haunt me–or motivate me–like hers.

Let’s hope that this becomes one of the “make it” moments I will remember years from now. Let’s also hope that years from now my mother will tell me I was wise for ignoring her.

I have a really embarrassing confession to make. Some of you may have already figured this out on your own, and I must thank you for keeping it quiet. I love reality tv. Tonight was the finale of The Seach for the Next Pussycat Doll (BOOO TO ASIA!! CHELSEA SHOULD HAVE WON, YOU BIG MEANIE. LEARN TO FUCKING SMILE.). I’ve been looking forward to this all day week. I even ordered pizza and drank a beer (beer #5 of the six-pack that has been in my fridge since October). Nothing is more delightful than watching beautiful girls get judged while I’m stuffing my face.

[Okay, DO NOT LEAVE YET. I APOLOGIZE SOMEWHAT SINCERELY FOR THE BABBLING. DO NOT NAVIGATE AWAY FROM MY PAGE. (you see the bold font? RESPECT THE BOLD.) I have a point that goes much deeper than my extremely lame adoration for catty crap-tv like The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll and America’s Next Top Model. And since I’m already knee-deep in confessions: I used to watch The Apprentice. Back when it was still good. Now they’re camping in tents or some shit? Even my extreme lameness has limits, yo.]

One of the redeeming and rewarding moments of watching shows of this sort is that you see people going after their dream with with so much heart and determination. It’s admirable. Even if their dream is to strut around in a sequin mini-dress and wear false eyelashes that sparkle under the disco ball (and who doesn’t want to be a drag queen on some level?)–they’re putting themselves out there and trying so hard that my heart aches for them. What’s most inspiring is how some people get so far by sheer determination alone. I watch in awe and wonder if my persistence is remotely close.

Continue Reading »

On Saturday I went to the pool for the first time this spring. Ah, this is the fleeting and precious time that Texas has perfect weather, which means I will be enjoying it as much as I can before it becomes so hot and humid that I break a sweat walking from the car to my mailbox.

If you’ll recall, last summer the pool scene was a source of great amusement (and blog material). So when I went to the pool for the first time this weekend, I have to admit I was hoping for a little drama. A little something fun to kick off the swimming season. I was not disappointed.

Continue Reading »

It looks like I’ve made another $120 in commissions–most of which is from IntimateGifts.com (yay!) and as promised for every $150 I make through my various advertisers, I will post one sexy photo. I posted the first one about a month and a half ago here, and I’m sure some of you are antsy for another peek at yours truly. We’re getting pretty close to that second photo, so keep on buying the goods! Sex toys, condoms, (dude, they sell things like strawberry cheesecake-flavored lube and Coochy shave cream), and then there’s always ANYTHING on Amazon.com… look at the pretty sidebar. It’s so lonely. It misses you. It wants to hold you and touch you inappropriately while whispering naughty things in your ear. Go play with the sidebar.

Update:
The other day I got an email from Sex Exec of IntimateGifts.com after he and his partner read this post. They are threatening to buy tons of products through me so I have no choice but to post dozens of photos. I encourage such behavior.

I have till the end of the month to decide if I want to renew my lease or not. I thought I had longer to figure out what to do. Shit. I don’t fucking know SO STOP PRESSURING ME!! HOW ABOUT GIVING ME MORE THAN A PIECE OF PAPER TAPED TO MY DOOR AND A WEEK TO DECIDE, ASSHOLE?!

There’s more weighing in on the decision than pro: ten minutes from office and con: carpet covered in dog pee. I’m in my mid-twenties (and about to enter my upper-twenties, yikes) and have been moving at least once a year since I was eighteen years old. My Amazon.com account contains ten home addresses, plus three office addresses. I’m tired of moving. I want to stay in one goddamn place for more than one year.

Continue Reading »

I just had my phone interview with a lovely woman for the magazine article she’s writing. It was so fun! My interview for Maxim was done over email, which I actually preferred because I can take my time answering questions (rather than stuttering and sounding like a damn jackass when I talk). But this one was done over the phone and actually a lot more fun because it was conversational, like I was catching up with an old friend… “How many men have you slept with?” Oh YOU, we just have so much to talk about! She thought it was hysterical that I keep a list (complete with notes) and I was like, what, you don’t? How else do you remember your number?!

Continue Reading »

I’m sorry my beloveds, but I have so many super-secret and super-awesome writing projects to work on that I need to take the weekend off from the blog to get any real amount of work on them done. There are three.. no, four super-secret projects at the moment (not counting the novel), and I’ve been putting off two of them for long enough. Time to buckle down, pull out the red pen, get my hand out from between my legs, and get to work.

If you miss my dirty mind, re/read this or this or this (and I promise I’ll finish that one in the next couple days, really!). Or you can read the Single By Choice, damnit collection that chronicles the beginning of my singledom.

Continue Reading »