The Over-Educated Nympho

I turned in my application today. Cool Boss beamed when she saw me approach her desk with a stack of papers first thing this morning. Weeks ago she had volunteered to be my advisor for the training program. As she went through the papers signing off on my potential as a promising employee, I tried not to think about all the hours I was signing away to something that already haunts my dreams without the additional image of a towering stack of 3″ binders crushing me.

Cool Boss must have seen what I was thinking because she stopped initialing forms to tell me, “I know this sucks. It’s long and boring and you don’t get nearly a big enough raise for it when you’re done. But it’s just something you have to do.”

But. But but BUT. But SONOFABITCH.

Continue Reading »

After work today I went to the store to fill a prescription. Silly me, in spit of all the heart-shaped cookies and big bouquets of flowers in the office, I was so busy I’d forgotten it was National Singles Awareness Day, which meant that walking into Walgreens was a shock of RED AND PINK-COLORED FLUFFY ICK.

All the frantic business men running in, grabbing the nearest heart-shaped box of chocolate and one of the few remaining Valentines Day cards for the lucky lady, a few frat boys picking out teddy bears and condoms, and then me. Me with my prescription eyedrops and a bottle of Tums. Woo hoo.

As I waited in line at the register, I noticed there was a champagne and wine display within arm’s length. It had my favorite cheap drugstore wine. I began to fidget. I was getting closer to the register. My brain and my craving were duking it out. For once my brain won. No wine. I had things to do when I got home. No drinking tonight–in fact, there’s been a lot less drinking lately. So far 2007 has been the year of coffee, unlike 2006 (and 2005.. 4… ) which were the years of wine and Xanax.

So what did I do today on National Singles Awareness Day that was too important for wine, and while I’m at it, masturbating? Why was there no masturbation or celebration (masturbration?) tonight?

I was doing paperwork.

Continue Reading »