Dear Annoying Coworker
Tomorrow is my last day working in my current department. I am very happy about transferring for many reasons–new and less-boring accounts, cool coworkers, a sweet (a-hem, pushover of a) boss, more responsibility, but nothing will please me more than no longer being forced to sit next to my annoying douchebag coworker, The Ear-Digger.
You think I’m fucking joking? No. The man digs inside his ear like he’s searching for fucking China. It is disgusting. His finger disappears well past the first knuckle. And of course he never washes his hands afterward. I catch him with his finger in his ear–probing quickly in short little jerks of the knuckle in the most attention-grabbing way. Sure, maybe he has an ear wax problem, but dude, YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT SHIT AT HOME. WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. AND LOCKED. AND YOUR WIFE OUT OF THE HOUSE. AND YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF TOO.
Here is a letter I’ve written to annoying ear-diggers everywhere:
