The Over-Educated Nympho

Tomorrow is my last day working in my current department. I am very happy about transferring for many reasons–new and less-boring accounts, cool coworkers, a sweet (a-hem, pushover of a) boss, more responsibility, but nothing will please me more than no longer being forced to sit next to my annoying douchebag coworker, The Ear-Digger.

You think I’m fucking joking? No. The man digs inside his ear like he’s searching for fucking China. It is disgusting. His finger disappears well past the first knuckle. And of course he never washes his hands afterward. I catch him with his finger in his ear–probing quickly in short little jerks of the knuckle in the most attention-grabbing way. Sure, maybe he has an ear wax problem, but dude, YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT SHIT AT HOME. WITH THE DOOR CLOSED. AND LOCKED. AND YOUR WIFE OUT OF THE HOUSE. AND YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF TOO.

Here is a letter I’ve written to annoying ear-diggers everywhere:

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I got my box of goodies today. Or rather, it came to my apartment, left a UPS sticker on the door, and is being held hostage at the apartment complex office until I come home during lunch tomorrow to pick it up, at which time I will greedily spread out the copious bounty that is MINE and show up forty-five minutes late back to the office. My pussy is already squealing and clapping her kegels together in delight.

IntimateGifts.com sent me an entire box of goodies once already, but yada yada yada a happy little rabbit is having multiple orgasms somewhere in Kentucky right now. So they were kind enough to send me a replacement box, and this one sounds goooood. Like, really good. They were so generous as to throw in a bunch of goodies that weren’t even on my list… do you see why I love these guys so deeply? They get me, man.

What does this mean for you, my beloved readers? The sex toy reviews will begin this weekend! Such possibility.. such happiness.. so many batteries to buy… I can imagine the reviews going something like this:

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At long last, we have reached climax.

Meet my new lovers, aka the sex toy company I’ve been courting for months and have since fallen in luuurve with, IntimateGifts.com. This link is for my affiliate with the company, which you can see for yourself on my customized homepage. HOW COOL IS THAT SHIT!!

So if you visit this site (which you should), I make a commission off everything purchased through my pretty link. –wink wink– Sooo…. what are you still doing reading this? GO VISIT MY LOVERS. Besides, they’re cool. They have cute Canadian accents when we talk on the phone and I love them to bits.

Aaaand now I have to go back to the office and pretend to function like a normal human being, which has been especially difficult as of late. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO CONCENTRATE ON SPREADSHEETS WHEN I HAVE SEX TOYS TO WRITE ABOUT AND A HUNGRY PUSSY TO FEED?

–grumbling– fucking motherfuckers holding me back. DAMN THE MAN. Aw fucking hell, I need to masturbate.

It’s been a while since I’ve had a post with the Triad, which is where my brain, The Pussy, and I duke it out. For those of you unfamiliar with The Triad posts, go here for a proper introduction. It’s an ongoing battle between my brain, The Pussy, and me–and no one ever seems to win. We get screwed and piss each other off one way or another.

I rarely talk to Hot Coworker anymore. We’re not nice or mean to each other. We just kind of exist around each other. On the average day I see him a couple times from across a dozen cubicles, but sometimes I go an entire day without seeing him. It is definitely better this way, because he is such a fine piece of man-ass that every time I see him The Pussy does happy little cartwheels and my brain has to remind Her HE’S A JACKASS, YOU IDIOT. NOW PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON.

This is pretty much how it went all damn day today. Let me just say, it’s mighty hard to get any work done when your pussy is doing all the thinking.

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I said yesterday that tonight I would be announcing my official affiliation with the sex toy company I’ve been talking about for so long.

Well, super busy, code crap, more code crap, yada yada yada, can’t announce yet. It’s not just an announcement, there’s a big fancy thing that comes with it, which is what we’ve all been scrambling to get together all night. There’s a lot (a lot) of stuff going on back here that I can’t talk about and you can’t see yet. Which kinda sucks but is also exciting. (Haha, I may spill my guts to you BUT I STILL HAVE MY SECRETS!)

Sit tight, it’s coming soon–and when I cum, I cum hard.

xoxo
Vix