The Pit of Despair

It’s official. Handsome Nerd is standing dangerously close to the ledge of oblivion.

The dumbass. Um, which would be me, of course, for bothering to give him a second chance. He’s a dumbfuck, I’m just a dumbass, which is not nearly as shameful.

I told him to call me when he got back from New Orleans, which was a week ago. He didn’t call me, so I called and left a message a couple days ago. He never called back. The statute of limitations (on what? dumbassery? my pussy-fueled patience?) is up.

All this time he was standing at the ledge, looking down into the pit of despair. Clearly he would rather be there than in my bed underneath my naked body. Fine. Here baby, let me help.

–swift kick in the ass–

Aw, look, there he goes. Down, down, down into the pit of despair. NO TAKESIES-BACKSIES, MOTHERFUCKER. THIS IS PLATINUM TEXAS PUSSY.

Be sure to spend all that free time you have looking for your balls, sweetie, mm’kay?

–hair flip and sashays away–

______________

I didn’t see him again for over seven months. Go here to read what happened.