The Over-Educated Nympho

This post assumes that you have made it past putting “icky” things in your mouth, getting into the proper sexy mindset, and making your way down the treasure trail. It’s crucial that you feel comfortable giving a blowjob, otherwise even the best technique won’t make you every guy’s fantasy woman.

Ok, well a good blow job is a good blow job but what I’m aiming for is being the girl he fantasizes about years later when he’s thinking about the best head he’s ever had. Just having that attitude of “I want to want to suck you off like no one has ever done before” will get you far.

Don’t believe me? I bet you half the guys who just read those last two sentences got a little hard. Attitude is everything.

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Finally, I’m working on the final post of the blowjob series. Although given my past history it may end up being 1) ridiculously long 2) broken up into more posts 3) leading to me masturbating for forty-five minutes and not finishing the post.

Addendum 1:15 am:

Yep. There’s going to be at least one more post. I only made it to the balls.

A favorite reader of mine requested a FAQs page full of OEN snark at its finest. So here we go with a little preview.

One of the most frequent accusations I receive in comments or emails is that I must be ugly/fat/a virgin/a thirteen year-old boy. I assure you, this is only mostly true. Here’s a little teaser from the FAQs page addressing this issue:

Are you really as hot as you say you are?

One of the answers below is correct:

1. No. I’m a troll. Unless if you’re into trolls. My mouth is located at a convenient height. And I have a really kinky hobbit outfit I wear on special occasions. –wink wink– Here’s lookin’ at you, big guy!
2. Minus the hairy belly button, I’m smokin’.
3. Dude. I make fat phat. I’m so fatty phat PHAT that I need two t’s to show how HOTT I am.
4. One word, mah bitches: K-Fed, if he had these sweet little titties, yo. I’se one fine ass mothaFUCKA.
5. Heck yeah! I was voted “cutest boy in Mrs. Anderson’s homeroom” last year by all the girls in my seventh grade class! Any day now my pubes are going to grow in and then I’ll be the cutest boy in all of Jefferson Junior High! BOO YAH.
6. Well. I have a really really great personality. (That has absolutely nothing to do with why there’s no photos posted here on my blog. Ever.)
7. Yes.

See the rest of the FAQs here.

Have any FAQs you’d like me to answer with nothing less than the highest level of snarkasm? Leave questions in the comments.

First the Thanksgiving Fairy was very kind, and now it looks like Santa is going to be generous as well. He’s bringing me sex toys from my adults-only wish list. Merry Christmas to ME.

Here are the items I’m putting on my naughty wish list for the sex toy company I’m in cahoots with:

1. The jack rabbit from Sex and the City. I’ve been told it will hold up much better than my current one.
2. Remote controlled vibrator/underwear.
3. A sex toy for men that is not a pump, penis ring, or for her. Men deserve to be selfish too.
4. An anal dildo (currently I just use a thin g-spot vibrator but this one has a better shape to it).
5. A dual-headed vibrator for men and women to use at the same time.

I don’t know how many/which toys I’ll be receiving, but I’m sure I’ll be buying more items from them later on anyway, so not to worry my beloveds! OEN will do her best to write reviews in time for your own naughty Santa to buy your presents. A-hem through me, of course.

This site gets the nympho stamp of approval. Depending on how amazing the toys are, I may be giving them multiple stamps of approval.  Mmmm. Merry Christmas indeedie.