The Over-Educated Nympho

This is a series. Start at the beginning here.

The Ninth Course: RED WINE AND OREOS

I didn’t mention this earlier, because it would have really fucked up the rhythm of all the sex taking place during Course Eight, but between each round of amazing fantasgasmic three-way sex, we talked a lot.

And I mean good talking. The kind you don’t normally have with people until you’ve known them a while. But that’s the thing–I do feel like I’ve known Handsome and Pretty Twosome for ages. I felt that way all throughout the long dinner, and then even more so when we went back to their house and hung out (somewhat awkwardly at that point, since we were trying to figure out how to get things going).

[um, I feel that I should mention here that this post is very sappy. And long and muttled and all touchy-feely-squishy and shit. Which embarrasses me so let’s never speak of this again. But who thought you could get sappy when talking about a threesome, which is the very reason I should write about it. Except without the wine would probably have been a better idea. Meh. Truth serum!!]

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I received my first issue of Maxim in the mail today. With my name right there on the address label so everyone knows I am the pervert girl who has a subscription and not her boyfriend, this was not some one-time purchase as a gag for a bachelorette party.

As soon as I got settled in my apartment with November 2006 (hee hee, Sophia Bush… bush… shut UP I’m allowed to be an adolescent boy every once in a while, ok?!) I sat down, told my dogs Can’t you hold it for twenty minutes MOMMY IS BUSY READING HER MAGAZINE.

Seriously now. I LOVE how this magazine is so guy-ish. For instance on page 24: “What’s the best way to do a wall flip?” alongside a four-step explanation illustrated with a guy running and jumping up a wall then flipping over. Very cool, utterly male. You would never see this in a girl’s magazine like Cosmo. Hahahaha, the mere thought slams me with a case of the yeah right, douchebag giggles.

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Between rounds of fantastic three-way sex,* which you can read all the dirty details of here, Handsome Twosome looked over at me in awe and then said something I have heard over and over since I had an amazing first date with Handsome Nerd (NOT to be confused with Handsome Twosome) and he told me the next day he didn’t want to date:

“Why did he walk away from you again? He knew about the clit ring, right? Jeez, he should have at least stayed for the piercing!”

Pretty Twosome, naked,* nodded. “Idiot.”

Then today I talked with my dear friend Dr. Barbie on the phone. She mentioned that she had told her fiancé Ken that I had a threesome over the weekend. She said that he paused and then said, “Bet Handsome Nerd wishes he were with her now.”

“Idiot,” said Dr. Barbie.

I nodded. “Idiot.”

Oh well. If we’d been dating I probably wouldn’t have gotten to have that threesome. So it all worked out.

*completely irrelevant information. I just want to brag.

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Go here to read what happened next.