The Over-Educated Nympho

This is a series. Start at the beginning here.

The Fifth Course: DRINKS

I followed Handsome and Pretty Twosome back to the house where they live together. A house which happens to be five minutes from my office. Hmm, some great potential here… I’m telling you, the gods of fate are just throwing our naked bodies at each other.

Earlier Handsome Twosome had been telling me about his favorite tv show which he triumphantly got Pretty Twosome addicted to as well. He pulled it up on TiVo while I went to the kitchen to talk with Pretty Twosome while she prepared beautiful and elaborate cocktails for all of us (prime-fucking-rib and twelve dollar cocktails… niiiice).

So now how to go about getting things going? Hmm. Cocktails were a good start. We’d all ordered plenty of drinks at the restaurant, but between the long duration there and all the red meat, it barely made a mark on me.

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This is a series. Start at the beginning here.

The Fourth Course: DESSERT

I don’t even know how long we were at the restaurant. I want to say it was three hours. Which meant we watched a lot of people come and go in that time. There were three birthdays with (free!) fancy cake and a lit candle.

Pretty Twosome and I were giggling about all the birthdays, saying we should say it was one of our birthdays so we could get the free cake too. Handsome Twosome, being the adorable smartass that he is, grinned and signaled the waiter over.

A few minutes later the waiter came back with a huge piece of fancy cake with a candle on top and placed it in front of me.

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This is a series. Start at the beginning here.

The Second Course: SALAD

People have wretched first date moments over salad. There’s lots of bumbling, stuttering, and general dumbassery. On most dates this is known as the “awkward” course. It’s the beginning of the date, the beginning of the meal, you’re still sizing each other up and trying to find your flow, assuming there is a flow to be found between you and your date.

Salad. Who are we fucking kidding. We’re at a steakhouse. A real steakhouse. You come here for the meat. The salad is really just a technicality. I don’t want the salad. Give me my fucking meat. Yesss mother, I know salad is good for me and I do genuinely enjoy a good salad, but tonight at this amazing steakhouse I don’t want to allot unnecessary stomach space to anything other than red meat. And dessert. And booze.

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As I begin typing this it’s exactly twenty-four hours after Handsome Twosome and Pretty Twosome walked into the steakhouse and into my life. I haven’t showered even though I came home twelve hours ago. I’ve been letting the smells and touches of the night stay on my skin as long as possible before they must be washed away for another boring day at the office.

My apologies for taking longer than expected to get this post out, but frankly I’ve been hoarding the private memories all afternoon before I was able to share it here, kinda like a little kid’s birthday party: you have to let her open her presents and feel ownership of it all before she is self-satisfied enough to share them with others. And simultaneously I’ve been preparing the new Superblog for launch. A very busy weekend.

For those who want to jump ahead to the good stuff, here’s a break-down with links:

Nervous as hell: Preparations
Course One: Appetizing meeting the couple
Course Two: Salad surprisingly not awkward
Course Three: Meat getting along well
Course Four: Dessert getting along very well
Course Five: Drinks going back to their place
Course Six: The real dessert making the first move
Course Seven: Pitchers of ice water the beginning of the dirty sex
Course Eight: Juice still more dirty sex
Course Eight and a half: A second serving of juice the rest of the dirty sex
Course Nine: Red wine and oreos pillow talk with my new lovers
On the menu for next time: just a little taste of what’s to cum

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It is 6:30 am and I am just now getting home from last night’s threesome.

I think it is safe to say that I am all caught up on the last three months without sex.

More details later today. If you’ll excuse me, I simply must get my poor tired body to bed.