The Over-Educated Nympho

This evening after work I stopped at the pharmacy to pick up refills for my birth control and anti-depressants. I had twenty-four dollars cash and six dollars in my checking account to last me until pay day. Prescriptions were ten bucks each, I have enough food at home and gas in the car that I can ride out the next couple days without going in the red.

ooooooh but wait. Problem, I realized as I walked around the store waiting for my prescriptions to be filled. I finished off the wine last night! I don’t have any more at home!! OH NO!!! I NEED MY WINE!!!

[Ok. I gotta warn you. It gets embarassing here:]

Assessment: I had twenty four bucks and change in my purse. If I could just find a $3.99 bottle of white something or other wine, I’d be good…

Nope. Cheapest they had was $5.99. BASTARDS.

Well I don’t need the refill of anti-depressants for a few more days, I could just get the birth control, a decent bottle of wine, and come back for the anti-depressants in a couple days after I’ve gotten paid…

Yes, this line of thought actually happened. I walked up and down the sad little aisle of sad wines thinking to myself, wine or pills wine or pills wineorpills…

And let me tell you–I chose wrong.

Tomorrow I’m interviewing with another department in my company and if all goes well I’ll get transferred.Problem? It’s Hot CoWorker’s department. And I would probably even be sitting next to him because that’s where the sole empty cubicle is located.

Yeah. Glad that whole mess never went any where.

So how’s it going with Hot CoWorker? Especially since things at work could completely change soon?

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Due to a few too many run-ins with douchebags, assholes, dumbasses and fuckwits who tell me “oh by the way, I have a girlfriend” it has come to the point where I have to implement a questionnaire for any guy who wants to be a contender for dating.

Questionnaire
Do you have a girlfriend?
Do you have a girlthing who may be categorized as long-distance, on-again/off-again, inconclusive in relationship status, or any other sort of questionable yet NOTEWORTHY situation?
Did you tell the truth in the previous answer?
Are you married?
Have you ever been married?
Are you currently separated?
Do you have children?
Even if you are legitimately single, are you still in love with your ex?
After only three dates are you going to throw out the L- or M-words?

Please sign below that everything you have answered is the truth. If you have lied in even the smallest way to OEN about your dating/single status, she will come after you with a baseball bat. And she’s into all that kinky shit, so guess where the baseball bat would go.

This shit is getting old. The whole “by the way I have a girlfriend” bit from guys. It was bad enough with Apt #5 whom I didn’t especially like, but this shit last night hit me hard because I actually liked Nice Guy #2. A lot. Like, a lot a lot.

But fuck that shit. This morning I was listening to the radio and Don’t Cha by The Pussycat Dolls came on. It was all too fitting. I damn near punched the radio dial.

The song isn’t exactly dead on because I never meet these so-called girlfriends, but the chorus alone sums up my flattering yet frustrating situation. [Go here for the full lyrics, but the chorus below is what is most pertinent:]

Dont cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
Dont cha, dont cha
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me
Dont cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me
Dont cha, dont cha

Not that that is a half-decent excuse to flirt with a girl and then tell her by the way I have a girlfriend.

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