The Over-Educated Nympho

This is for those of you who think the kindness of your providing an office candy bowl is going unappreciated, feel that you need to make it clear to your boss that you need a pay raise, or are just cheap fucking bastards (come on, you fucking poser, just stash your candy in the bottom of your locked filing cabinet if you don’t want to share):

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No I’m not dead. Just tired, numb to the point of near-stupidity, and damning my parents for telling me going to college would ensure me a good salary when I could have spent all those years smacking bitches to get a better street corner and by now I could be bathing in a bubbly bathtub full of bling.

PS. Apparently my A.D.D. has made me such a dingbat that I’ve been sending all my blog entries to my grandmother rather than posting them properly on Wordpress. Ooopsies. Well, I’m sure Grammama is happy to hear that my boss is an asswipe and the guy with the cubicle next to mine smells so awful that I keep checking the ground for a pathway of dingleberries.

Annnywaaaaaaaaaaay–

At my previous office and now this one, I have a candy bowl residing on my desk. I found that this was an excellent way, as the new employee, to meet and chat with co-workers frequently. And win their affection.

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1. Working did kill me. And Mom thought I was lying. probability rating: 3
2. They broke my spirit. This is actually the first time in a week they’ve let me come home. They made me sleep under my desk with software manuals supporting my head as a pillow. I bathed in the fountain in the courtyard, fishing coins out so I could buy cokes from the vending machine, my only source of much-needed calories so I had the energy to work more. I insisted that my previous job had already broken my spirit, but they said I smiled too often which indicated that there was still hope in my heart, which would only keep me from fully giving my soul to the profession. probability rating: 5
3. The MOM has forced me to spend all my non-working hours in a cold dark corner reading up on all the essential professional books to ensure that I will pass my exams–when I eventually qualify to take them. probability rating: 6
4. Not getting my regular daily afternoon nap means that by the time I get home I’m entirely too tired, dull, pissy to touch another fucking computer, let alone come up with anything remotely amusing. probability rating: 9
5. Have been in therapy with Dr. Xanax trying to figure out what to bitch about now that I’ve graduated and actually have a respectable job in my field of choice. probability rating: 2 (come on, now! my new job will be an endless source of bitching! MWAHAHAHA)

Ok, um, there are more, I promise, but the thing is –pausing to shake head and roll eyes at major inconvenience of responsibility– I have to go to work now.

Dude. Work can SO suck my left one.