The Over-Educated Nympho

This quiz is intended to pick up where many so-called sex or purity quizzes leave off. Without any absurd questions like have you had sex with an animal or a corpse. That shit is way the fuck out there. I’ve tried to be as general as possible to accomodate all sexual preferences as well as both genders. But if you’re one of those perverts who found my site by searching “have sex with mom and dog golden showers” then fuck off before I come find you and beat your disgusting ass you fucking perv.

1. Have you kissed a member of the non-preferred sex?
2. Have you hit on or been hit on by a member of the non-preferred sex?
3. Have you performed oral sex on a member of the non-preferred sex?
4. Have you received oral sex on a member of the non-preferred sex?
5. Have you had anal sex with a member of the non-preferred sex?
6. Have you had anal sex with a member of the preferred sex? (onwards called MPS)
7. Have you ever had multiple orgasms?
8. Have ever had/received more than five orgasms in one sex session?
9. Have you ever had a sex-day?
10. Have you ever blacked out from coming so hard?
11. Do you own any role-playing outfits? (ie school teacher, naughty nurse, catholic school girl, fireman, cop, etc)
12. Do you own clothes (ie fuck-me boots) for the purpose of picking someone up?
13. Have you acted out a rape fantasy?
14. Have you had phone sex?
15. Have you had cyber sex?
16. Has it taken you more than five minutes to find your underwear after sex?
17. Has anyone ever asked you if you were a stripper and was serious?
18. Have you ever applied to work at a strip club?
19. Have you ever worked at a strip club?
20. Has anyone ever asked you to be a stripper at a party?
21. Have you ever called out the wrong name while having sex with someone?
22. Have you ever not known the name of someone you had sex with?
23. Have you ever had sex with a person and his/her mother or father?
24. Have you had sex with a set of brothers or sisters?
25. Have you had sex while at work?
26. Have you ever been late to work/school/engagement because you were masturbating or having sex?
27. Do you have a genital piercing?
28. Do you have a nipple piercing?
29. Do you have a tattoo in a sexually suggestive or evocative place?
30. Have you had sex with more than 10 people?
31. 20 people?
32. 30 people?
33. 40 people?
34. 50 people?
35. more than 50 people?
36. Been in a threesome?
37. Participated in group sex? (four or more)
38. Been in the middle of a Chinese finger trap? (see “Chasing Amy”)
39. Been to a swingers club?
40. Taken home a couple from a swingers club?
41. Had an STD?
42. Had a one-night stand?
43. Gone to a party/bar etc. for the purpose of finding someone for a one-night stand?
44. Have you specifically told someone upfront you are having sex with them for no reason other than sex?
45. Have you recorded or been recorded on video/webcam during sex?
46. Has this video been shown on the internet?
47. Do you have pornstar eyes?
48. Have you intentionally not washed your hands after sex for the purpose of smelling your partner’s sex juice all day?
49. Has anyone ever pointed out to you in public that you have sex juice showing?
50. Have you had or done to someone else two dildos/dongs/vibrators in one person at the same time?
51. Have you had a dildo/dong/vibrator in both of you at the same time?
52. Do you deep throat?
53. Have you used anal beads?
54. Have you intentionally gone out in public with an object still in you? (ie dildo, anal beads, ben wa balls, etc)
55. Do you know how to use your kegel muscle during sex? (guys you have one too, go google it for fuckssake)
56. Has anyone complimented you on your control of your kegel muscle?
57. Has anyone outright called you a slut, whore, ho, and meant it?
58. Before you enter a bar/party, does everyone already know you’re a player?
59. Have you taken pornographic photographs of yourself or a partner?
60. Have you shown these photos to other people?
61. Do you regularly view porn or erotica?
62. Have you viewed porn with a partner?
63. Have you used porn in order to get someone else in the mood?
64. Have you gotten someone else drunk so they’d be more likely to have sex with you?
65. Have you played sexual drinking games? (only counts if you’ve actually seen someone’s goods)
66. Have you received sexual pleasure from a stripper?
67. Have you been with a prostitute?
68. Have you performed sexual acts in exchange for money or specific items?
69. Do you have a fetish? (ex: feet, patent leather, woman’s lingerie, etc)
70. Have you been caught having sex in public?
71. Have you flashed anyone in public while entirely sober?
72. Have you given/received a rim job?
73. Have you had or put a finger up your ass?
74. Are you an exhibitionist?
75. Have you purposely tried to get caught having sex?
76. Have you ever actually screamed or shouted during sex?
77. Have you broken a bed or piece of furniture while having sex on it?
78. Have you moved a bed or piece of furniture across the room while having sex on it?
79. Have you ever gotten yourself off while there were other people in the room?
80. Have you intentionally watched someone having sex who didn’t know you were there?
81. Has anyone been genuinely weirded out or offended by a sexual request of yours?
82. Have you done or received golden showers?
83. Do you own handcuffs? (the furry ones don’t count, you wanna-be loser)
84. Do you own sex toys?
85. Do you own nipple clamps?
86. Do you own a whip or paddle or other spanking device?
87. Do you own bondage equipment?
88. Have you purposely caused pain with something other than yourself or the above listed equipment? (ie hot wax)
89. Have you bitten or been bitten during sex?
90. Do you get off on pain?
91. Have you given/received scratch marks that shed blood?
92. Have you given/received any marks that became permanent?
93. Do you get off on spanking?
94. Are you a self-proclaimed masochist?
95. Are you a self-proclaimed sadist?
96. Has any partner ever complimented you or been intimidated by your pain threshold?
97. Have you ever slept with two people in a twenty-four hour period?
98. Have you ever slept with three people in a forty-eight hour period?
99. Do you enjoy domination?
100. Do you own any domination attire? (ie spiked dog collar, dominatrix outfit, slave collar, etc.)

In some psychology class I took I read about a test a bunch of psychologists gave to a group of children. I could google this, but I don’t care enough. They told the little kids, you can have ONE piece of chocolate right now, OR you can wait fifteen minutes and get TWO pieces of chocolate. Something like half the kids chose each. The kids who waited fifteen minutes occupied themselves by playing with toys provided, running around, or even just sitting in a corner and counting to fifteen over and over again. The test was something about twenty years later how these kids responded to the question was an accurate prediction of their patience/maturity/responsibility once they grew up.

I feel confident saying that if I had been in this test as a child, I would have quietly informed the nice man that I would wait the fifteen minutes, and then I would have sat by myself with a book and happily received two pieces of candy at the end.

Now I’m pretty certain that if the OEN of now could occupy that child twenty years ago, I would have kicked the psychologist in the shins, stolen the candy from his hand, knocked the other children down, shouted in the psychologist’s face YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, YOU BIG POOPHEAD! WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT YOUR CHOCOLATE NOW, MR. CANDYMAN??? and promptly run off, shoving chocolates into my mouth as fast as possible.

Some days it feels like all you can do is wear your Superwoman underpants and hope for the best. –sigh–